Neighbor Quotes®

I have some interesting neighbors on either side of me. The ones to the left are the trash collectin', fussin' and feudin' kind, but they don't talk to me, so that's good. The ones to the right are the loud, boisterous, too friendly for their own good kind. And of course, for good measure, they have kids the same age as mine, which makes it harder to avoid them (I maintain the Northern tradition of ignoring people).

Anyway, I want to start keeping track of some of their quotes and other foibles, a la Lurleen. I need nicknames for them too. Hmmm. I'll have to think about that for a bit.

So yesterday, I finished mowing my lawn. Its a big lawn, similar in size to the neighbors, and they only mow half of theirs, which they tell me is to keep kids from cutting through and because of snakes, specifically copperheads and water moccasins (their words which they've told me on several occasions).

The thing is though, I haven't seen any kids cutting through and isn't it better to remove snake habitat rather than provide the perfect place for them to live? Not too mention rodents.

Hmm. RIP Papi. I can't even think about rodents without getting all choked up about Papi. I wonder if he met his match with a snake or something.

Oh jeez, I digress. So next door neighbor comes up to me and she says, "I can't believe y'all even mow all the way back there. We don't. We did it a few times, but its just not worth it."

Indulge me for a moment while I poke a big fat hole in that statement. They have a riding mower (more on that later), so in terms of effort (I have a push mower), ehhh, I label thee lazy, and NOT worried about snakes or transient teens.

Crazy rednecks. Think I can't remember a previous conversation, compare it with a current conversation and come up with a conclusion? Ha. I may not be able to add double digits in my head, but there was a time when my verbal skills were top-notch.

I still haven't come up with nicknames, well, one. Cooter. The neighbor's boyfriend. His laugh is a dead ringer for Roscoe P. Coltrane (coo coo coo), but that name doesn't fit him in any other way.

As far as she goes...man, I have no idea. She's almost attractive but her voice (and roots and other stuff)...it's a bullhorn...a shrill suicide inducing vocal assault that makes me want to vomit whenever I am near. Maybe I will search Greek mythology for a proper nickname.

Crisis Avoided

On moving day at 7:30 AM I had backed a pick up truck into my side yard to retrieve Rob's trailer from my back yard. While hooking up the trailer, Lurleen walks into my yard in her bathrobe to talk to me about bringing over the microwave stand we were giving them. All I could think about the whole time she was talking to me was that she was probably completely naked under that robe. It wasn't a happy thought. Thank God there was no breeze that day. The belt straining against her ample belly was thankfully double knotted.

Disturbing Mental Image

Lurleen at the beach in a bikini self-described as "the thinnest woman at the beach in a bikini." Ew.