The problem with the 9 holes of golf in the morning is that golf by design is exclusionary, not family oriented, only truly enjoyed by pale white men over 50 and "golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass". The other thing with playing golf is that I feel guilty for leaving my wife alone to get the kids ready for the afternoon picnic. I mean if I am going to feel guilty for something I would much rather have it be for riding my ATV, not for something I hate, like golf. That's like wasting one of the wishes from your monkey paw on world peace.
This year's morning festivities did not involve golf however. Well, it did actually. Miniature golf or to those true losers out there, the driving range. Perhaps I am too harsh. You are not a loser if you go to a driving range, but you are a loser if you go to the driving range when you have two hours of unlimited go kart riding, batting cages, and video games as an option.
Having the morning portion of the company picnic at The Hilltop Fun Center was pure genius. It kind of reminded me of when I was a kid and my dad's company picnic was always at Canobie Lake Park except that there is no roller coaster at HFC or a Turkish Twist or any other ride design to make a person sick and/or dizzy. I've always thought that "Hilltop Fun Center" was a boring name too. Anytime the word "center" is used in the name of a place of business or house of worship it makes me cringe. It's too clinical and dry and boring. Hilltop Fun Center is even worse because it attempts to mate the words "fun" and "center". It's an unholy union. A crime against nature. Cousins marrying cousins. "Center" should only be used by medical type places. The John J. Johnson Cancer Center. The Smith Center for Oozing Skin Infections. Center for Human and Animal Genetic Hybrids. Anyway, it was fun. And I am glad we had that instead of golf. Truly.
The cookout portion was pretty uneventful. I mean, what can you say about free lobster. Not much. It speaks for itself. I love to eat large steamed insects. Covered in butter.
I do have a couple of pictures though.
The Veeg's boyfriend looks like he needs a steak or three. I wanted to overpower him (actually I would have left that task up to my 9 year old son), puree a pound of medium rare ribeye and dump it down his throat. At one point I was overwhelmed with fear*, The Veeg's eyes became glazed over and I thought for a second she might take a bite out of him. Remember the cartoon where the two guys are stranded on an island and they imagine each other as a large hot dog or hamburger? Yeah. I knew I had seen the look she had in her eye before.
This picture is self-explanatory, but I will explain it anyhow. Yellow shorts?!? What manner of abomination is that? You deserve to be kidnapped and left in the South Bronx. With a Red Sox hat on. And an "I can't...I'm Mormon" t-shirt.Speaking of Mormon t-shirts. Be a real pal and buy your best friend one of these for his birthday.
*I wasn't really afraid. Fear implies some sort of emotional investment. I have no emotional investment in The Veeg or her underage former student boyfriend. Speaking of former students why is it that The Veeg is not a teacher anymore and no longer utilizes the Masters degree of which we are reminded on a daily basis that she has?
5 comments:
Where was the eating portion of your picnic held? The end of a dead end road between Dover and Somersworth? I am sure there is some place in southern NH or Maine that has a few picnic tables to enjoy lobster on.
haha. nope, it was at fort foster in kittery.
so what does a veeg eat at a lobsterbake?
she's awfully 'tubby' for a veeg.
other tubby veegs that i've known, have turned out to not really be all that veeg.
That picture doesn't do her justice, or maybe it does...Anyway, she is actually much larger than she appears there. She has one of the largest behinds I have ever seen in my life.
It wouldn't surprise me if she was a gigantic (hehe) hypocrite gorging on bacon and pork chops and ham behind closed doors.
Post a Comment