Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The Raconteurs

The guitarist, vocalist, lyricist, pianist from my third favorite band, The White Stripes, (go ahead guess the first two, I dare you), Jack White, has joined forces with members of other bands that I don't know to start a new band called The Raconteurs. If you go to the Media section of their site you can listen to a couple of singles. I think its good stuff. I dont care if you dont think it is.

I'm Famous, or Quentin Pray is


I left a comment. Its gotta be approved before it will show up.

I'll Never Use this in Real Life

This woman at work and I have this little unofficial competition going on where we try to out practical joke each either. For example, one morning I rubber banded her chair to her desk so she couldn't pull it out. And she ate my Reese's Peanut Butter Cup that was on my desk, but left me one little tiny bite. The next day I left a long piece of scotch tape sticky side up on her chair. Well, you get the point.

The same day she ate the Reese's she also rearranged the keys on my keyboard. The thing is, the joke was on her, since I dont even look at the keyboard when I type, except when concatenating strings with odd characters like ^ and ~ or when deciding what keys are best to replace a %&*#@$ swear with. It took me several hours to discover she had switched it, and it was purely by accident. I think I killed her joy a little bit that day.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever use anything I learned in school (technically I never "learned" any real math) in real life (other than reading of course) let alone typing (Thanks Mrs. Beane).


I am the proud owner of a Nerf Pool set circa 1985.

I had one of these when I was about 9 or 10 and my friend Erik Pierstorff and I played it ALL the time. I cant wait to play it during lunch at work.

Monday, January 30, 2006

I am a Sucker

I love old houses or at least very neglected houses. Ever since I was a kid. Any chance I got to sneak into an empty house I would take it and just dream about what I would do to it and how I could fix it. This is compounded by the fact that I can (or delusional enough to believe I can) fix just about anything that would ever need fixing on a house, except for replacing a furnace, and I could pay my dad to do that for me :)

Unfortunately, old houses can cost a lot to heat, all those dreams cost money, and lastly, do i really want to subject my family to living in a construction zone for who knows how many years...But then again, old houses have character and a lot of neat or weird or interesting details that you would never get in your cookie cutter colonial on a .25 acre lot. You also get the satisfaction of turning something ugly into something beautiful. Plus, I think that being exposed to lead paint and asbestos makes you stronger, contrary to what all those experts say.

So anyway, on Saturday, after the previously mentioned Nate Nut Grabbing Game, err, I mean football game, I decided I wanted to peek into the windows of this house. If you read the description, a lot of the expensive details of renovating a house already been taken care of like a new roof, new siding (i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate vinyl siding, but for now if i bought this house its okay), new leachfield and, Oooo, a new furnace. It IS a new furnace too. Brand new. I saw it with me own eyes.

My brothers and I, well Nate and I (Mike stayed in the car, I think he was scared), went to go look in the windows (this house is on Salmon Falls Road right after you cross the bridge back into Somersworth, um, the bridge we used to jump off which now has no jumping signs on it). Nate noticed a door at the back of the garage was open, so of course we went in.

The garage is huge. Its a three car garage with two garage doors basically. Enough room for my wifes van, my project buick regal, and all the 4 wheelers and motorcycles I can get my hands on. My truck has to stay outside, otherwise it will get soft and weak.

Wow, this is a long post...sorry. You probably aren't even reading anymore.

The garage has an unfinished loft above it, big enough for an apartment or whatnot. We then walked into the house, passed through a mudroom and into the kitchen. The kitchen smelled funny and would need to be the first thing remodeled. It was very large though. The house only has 6 rooms but they are all very large. I could fit all three of my kids in one bedroom and just put up some cubicle walls or something.

Next we went up stairs (the house has two staircases, call me a dork but that is cool). At the top of the stairs is a very large master bedroom with its own bath. The bathroom would need work, its got the whole 1970s thing going on.

We exited that bedroom out the door at the other end. Thats where the 2nd staircase is, at the front of the house. The 2nd bedroom is large too. Both bedrooms have fireplaces and the ceiling timbers are exposed.

At this point we went back down the back stairs, oops, first we checked out the unfinished attic space above the kitchen. Big enough to finish off, no doubt, but it was dark and we didn't have a flashlight.

The living room was next. Huge room. It had a fireplace too and the first floor bathroom was off it also. This bathroom was way older than the 1970s but it had a clawfoot tub. Cool.

We exited the living room and passed the front door (brand new and oak) and the front stairs and went into the third bedroom, which also has a fireplace. It couldn't really be a dining room, well, I guess it could, but its a long way from the kitchen.

Where to next? Yep, the basement. Basements are the coolest part of every old house. The basement stairs were underneath the back stairs by the kitchen. Part of the basement is actually ground level, as you can see in the picture. Down there we found another room, with another fireplace. The whole room is in rough shape. I would tear out everything but the fireplace and build it from scratch. A pool table would be perfect in there.

We crossed the room and went down a little hallway, right underneath where the front stairs are and found another room, also in great disrepair, but it had an old wine cellar or something. Very cool.

We left that room and passed back through the pool table room in search of the furnace. We passed through some dark spooky room and into a small doorway, and voila! there was the shiniest newest looking furnace I have ever seen. Excellent. At this point we made our way back upstairs and outside.

I'm sure I missed a few points or described things in the wrong order but you get the point. The thing I love about this house? It hasn't been messed around with by some Bob Vila wannabe who rips out everything good, throws up some sheetrock and wall to wall carpeting and calls it "remodeled". Everything except for the three kitchen cabinets and the 1970s bathroom in this house is original. The plaster walls, the wood work, wide pine floors, the doors, the mantels, etc. All original. I love it. Maybe I'll sneak back in with my digital camera.

Now, if they would just lower the price...


Quentin Pray was in a couple of my dreams the past two nights. I dont remember any details, but I think he was just a secondary character in those dreams. Either way, its a sign; we will have a visitation soon.

I opened the door with this post, and for that I apologize.

Football in the Snow

Played some flag football on Saturday. The weather was nice although the 6 inches of snowy slush made running a bit difficult. I'm a little sore but no worse than I would be after the first softball practice of the season. It was fun. It would have been more fun if we had more friends who weren't afraid of their wives (or had cool wives like mine) and showed up to play.

The funniest part was when Big A grabbed my brother's nuts.

Oh yeah and my youngest brother was so sore the next day he couldn't go to church. And all the people said, "Ha Ha".

Thursday, January 26, 2006


Nothing funny has happened to me lately. Maybe I should go out and make something funny happen.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Random Chuck Norris Facts

This was brought to my attention by Big A and I thought it was so funny that it deserved its own post and not stuck in comment hell.

Go straight to the top thirty, thats where the best ones are. I am going to make it my mission to get one or more quotes in the top thirty. This is similar to when I was 16 and I sent hundreds of letters to David Letterman.

Riding in the Snow

I love riding in my yard right after a snowstorm. Provided of course, there is less than 6 inches of snow. Anymore snow than that and I just look like Chris Royce in a mud pit (for those of you who dont know, that's spinning the wheels at full speed while going nowhere).

Ohhh crap! I should have had my wife take pictures of me while I was actually riding. That would have been cool. Maybe tonight.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Young Chuck Norris

This is funny. Not as funny as Lazy Sunday but it made me laugh, and really, when you get down to it, thats all that really matters.

Thursday, January 19, 2006


Some things suddenly make more sense now.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


Hopefully, God will spare New Hampshire when he rains his wrath down upon Maine. Just think of all the coastline we'll have now, and the Shipyard, yeah, it'll be ours.

The downside is property in Rotchester will skyrocket because it will be considered oceanfront. Rats. My dream of becoming an elite Rotchestertonian is in jeopardy. Better move soon.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Golden Globes

From the recent Golden Globes:

She'd make a good looking, albeit small, man, huh?

Reese, Reeeese, when will you women learn that weighing 90 pounds isn't attractive to 99% of the male population... Oh yeah, and by the way, your husband is a sponge.

Scarlett Johansson. Scarlet dress. Very interesting.

(Oops, I may have accidentally crossed that line, Rob. I may need a place to stay this weekend. Care to go riding?)

Monday, January 16, 2006

Happy Days

Alright, so I got three kids right? And they ALL like to talk.

Well, most days I dont mind the incessant "Dads!", "Daddys!", and "DaDas!", but yesterday was one of those days where it got to be a little much. So, for the next week, I am going to insist that my kids call me Potsie (well, except for Aaron, he just learned DaDa, so Potsie might be a stretch for him).

Any posts about how you have 4 kids, or 5 kids, or 2 kids who swear at you and smoke cigarettes, will be deleted. I dont care.

Wedding Crashers

Vince Vaughn is the funniest man in the movies right now. If I was a chick and had a list of celebrities that I "liked" he'd be #2, right after Brad Pitt.

Any comments about me being gay will be deleted (can I do that? I hope so)

Hatfield-McCoy Weekly Update

There are 2 months, 3 weeks, 2 days, 21 hours, and 8 minutes until our trip


Just 79 days

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Jim Rice

Denied again for the Hall of Fame. Is there no justice in this world?

I also think, putting aside my hatred for the MFYs, Goose Gossage should be in the Hall of Fame too.

My favorite Red Sox players when I was a kid were Jim Rice and Todd Benzinger. Nah, just kidding about Benzinger, but definitely Rice.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

My Husband is Going to Kill Me

So, I'm at a store in the parking lot and I hear crunching metal.

You know the concrete pillars that lamp posts are mounted on? Well, this person, for the sake of argument we'll say that she is a woman, was parked next to one of those lamp posts in her husbands shiny new Dodge Dakota Quad Cab.

When attempting to leave her parking space she took a really really sharp right turn and the top of the concrete pillar (about 2 feet high) got caught on the side of her husbands truck right behind the front wheel.

Now, I, at the first sound of crunching metal, will usually stop my vehicle instantly (unless of course, I am traveling at a high rate of speed and the crunching metal is caused by the first of two telephone poles I hit, but thats another story). Not this person, err, woman. She kept going. And going. Until her husbands truck was perched on the pillar and one of her husbands back tires was OFF THE GROUND. At this point she was stuck and couldn't go forward anymore, which is a good thing because she was only able to destroy the front door and not the back door. She puts it in reverse and due to the magic of a differential, the only wheel turning is the one in the air.

PUT IT IN 4 WHEEL DRIVE! my brain shouts. She must have heard me, because she did.

You should have seen the gash she put in the door. It made me laugh. I like to laugh. If I had my digital camera with me I would have taken a picture so I could laugh again in the future.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Um, sir, please dont crap in my driveway

So, I'm sitting on my four wheeler in my yard near the edge of the street when along comes a man on a horse. as I am a responsible ATVer, I know enough to turn my engine off as they approach because horses can become spooked.

As he gets nearer I say, "Hey, Whats Up" in my outdoor voice. He responds, but I cant understand what he said. I figure its because the noise from my engine had momentarily dulled my ears. No problem, I just smile at him, like I do when communicating with the elderly or the insane.

He says something else and kinda teeters in his saddle and I realize that this here cowboy, clad in a camouflage jumpsuit, is DRUNK. (Is it even legal to ride a horse drunk? My brain responds, "Of course its legal this is NEW HAMPSHIRE, now if we were in Maine...". I'm not sure how i feel about that). Anyway, not only was he drunk but he was carrying a large clear water bottle half filled with what i could only guess due to the color was rum and coke.

So the guy says something to me again, which I assumed was a question, so I just nodded my head. I figured I was safe. He proceeds to trot his horse up my driveway, turn it around and just stand there for a minute (admiring the view, i dunno). We chat for a minute, well, I chatted, he drooled. Then he leaves, at a gallop, half out of the saddle.

That might be the strangest thing we've ever seen, my brain ponders.

I ride around on my 4 wheeler a little more and then I noticed in my driveway, a big steaming pile of crap. Did i mention it was big? And STEAMING? yeah. I actually considered leaving it there for my wife to discover, but, nah, I've already put her through so much the past 10 years.

I shoveled it up and went to the backyard to hang out in the shed and look at my tools like the good little redneck I am.

About 20 minutes later I was putting something in the back of my truck and here comes Wild Drunken Bill galloping up the street again. I hurry up and throw the stuff in the truck and head towards the backyard. Unfortunately, due to the cold his buzz must be wearing off becuase he spotted me and yelled out an intelligible, "Buddy!" I keep walking pretending not to hear. He trots his horse up my driveway, and yells "hey the horse wants to say hi". I turn around and the horse comes up to me and I stare at it, not sure what to do. "You can pet it, jeeez", Wild Drunken Bill says.

Going against my own personal Golden Rule, never touch animals that aren't yours and even then only under the most dire circumstances, I take one of my gloves off and pat his nose and the bass turd tries to bite me! I forgive him though because he's obviously suffered enough.

And thats the end of my story (the horse didn't crap again, in case you're wondering)

Lazy Sunday

If you haven't seen this yet, you haven't lived...