Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Crush

No, this is not a review of a movie from the early 90s starring Alicia Silverstone, but its just as scary.

Lurleen may have a crush on me. I don't know why I think that, its just the way she has been looking at me lately. And she's been cleaner too. My wife has taken great pleasure in rubbing it in also. Especially when I took my shirt off the other day while putting down mulch. "Oooo, maybe Lurleen is home watching you. Oooo, better watch out Lurleen is outside. Oooo, I'm a little bit jealous." Ugh! It was HOT out! Leave me alone.

This has nothing to do with The Crush, but her daughter won some pageant last weekend. The trophy she came home with is taller than me. No joke! She brought it out of the house yesterday when I was playing basketball to show me. Trying not to sound unimpressed, the only thing I could think to say was, "Where do you keep that thing?" Oh, and she must have said at least 4 times, "Juss wait till my daughter gets a modelin contract" or "When she's in the movies..."

I can't even stand to listen to her talk. Her voice becomes shrieky when yelling at her boyfriend or the kids she babysits or her own kid for that matter. All the country slang and the fact that I don't think she realizes the "g" at the end of words is NOT silent doesn't help either. Ahhh! Somebody buy my house. Please!

Go Ahead Make My Birthday

Clint Eastwood, star of sooo many of my favorite movies, is celebrating his 76th birthday today.

Have a cigarillo while watching The Outlaw Josey Wales (my favorite movie of all time) to celebrate his birthday.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Green Machine

I am SO totally getting one of these.

Two Fabulous Movie Reviews

Lost in Translation

Yes I realize this movie came out 2 years ago, but I wasn't dying to see it, and we actually got it free of charge from the library.

This movie was just aight for me, dawg. I just wasn't feelin it.

Japanese culture is bizarre, I've always thought that, and not good bizarre like Tom Green, bad bizarre like a 1950s mental institution. To me, the Japanese culture in this movie was its own character, and that's the part of the movie really liked. Bill Murray is good and so is Scarlett. Some people may really enjoy Lost in Translation, but none of those people would be me.

Two games of Yahtzee, one a tie (I've never seen that happen before) and one my wife killed me.

Lost in Translation technically earns 2.25 stars out of 5, but I will bump it up to 2.4 because it was FREE. I'm probably being a little hard on it, but since most people have already seen it or decided that they will never see it, I don't care.

X-Men: The Last Stand

What can I say? I'm no comic book geek, but I enjoy a great movie as much as the next guy. This is a great movie. You should see it. Even if you wait until the DVD comes out. The fact that they were able to pull off a trilogy and still maintain the quality is astounding. Of course, they didn't actually have to write anything because they just use the comic books as source, right?

The next movie as a prequel to before the school was founded and Magneto and the Professor still got along would be a nifty movie I think.

No games (We were at the theater). I take that back. I played "How Long Can I Go Without Peeing After Drinking 11 Sodas in a 5 Hour Span".

4.25 stars out of 5

Monday, May 29, 2006

Papi Strikes Again, Dale is Dead

Last week it was Chip and this weekend, Dale. Dale is dead at the hands of my cat. Chip was cool, but I never liked Dale anyway. Not at all.

My cat and his girlfriend from across the street, Cookie, have started chasing squirrels too. Akin to a cheetah snagging a water buffalo, its only a matter of time before they bag one of these.

I have video footage of the cat toying with Dale too. Its beautiful in an animal kingdom survival of the fittest food chain kind of way.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Mid Weekend Roundup

When was the last time we had a Memorial Day weekend with weather this nice? If you said last year, you may be right, but I'm pretty sure you would be dead wrong.

Today we awoke to find that we had no water. No water means no coffee, although I contemplated using Aquafina FlavorSplash but my brain was kind enough to remind me how it tasted the last time I tried that. No water also means no showers, no laundry and no washing the table after the kids smeared peanut butter and jelly into it.

I spent the morning planting some flowers and putting some mulch down. No water also means not being able to wash your hands when they are covered in dirt. The skin of my hands felt like it was two sizes too small and my fingers could have split like hot dogs on the grill. Sierra Mist does do a surprisingly good job at getting the dirt off. It dries kind of sticky though.

No water also means not being able to flush the toilet. I took the opportunity to fix the toilet in our half bath. The flush and fill valves needed replacing. It went pretty smoothly but of course I couldn't test my work because we had no water. Later on around 6 the water finally came back on. Around 6:30 my man's intuition kicked in and reminded me of the Plumbing Golden Rule (There are always leaks. Always.) So I went to check the toilet. Yep. Water all over the floor. The flush valve gasket hadn't sealed well and there was a steady leak. Hand-tighten my ace! I got the channel locks and tightened that nut up until the leak stopped.

Well, it's late and its time for a much needed shower. Seems kind of silly now since I will be taking another one again in 10 hours, but I'd better not leave an imprint of myself on the sheets.

Friday, May 26, 2006

When's the Pep Rally?

The ratio of women to men in the company that I work for is very high. 5 to 1 maybe. I dunno. I say this because it is only in this kind of environment where the concept of "Spirit Days" would be thought of and implemented.

Yes. We spent the last three days (not all day, just a couple of hours each) celebrating and enhancing our company spirit.

Everybody was split into 4 teams each designated by a color and each team member had a bandana that they had to wear of that color. They elected ME team captain. Nice. Thanks. Anyway, we had to make a flag and complete a scavenger hunt and a bunch of other stuff.

To make a long boring story shorter and funnier, each day we had some type of "clothing" we had to wear. Wednesday was sports attire, Thursday was crazy hat day and today was international.

Can you spot me in this picture? Its from Wednesday, sports attire.

Here is my crazy hat that I made on Thursday

On Friday, I was a samurai. Those fake Japanese symbols are hand painted by the way

I have a hard time interacting with other humans sometimes, but I also like to make a fool of myself. So I was equal parts annoyed with and enjoying Spirit Days. It is a little corny though, but it is nice not having to think about work while at work.

Oh yeah, and guess what I won for being an idiot or as they called it, Most Spirited. An iPod Nano. Nice.

Another List....

Skape7 put me up to this.

Ten things you have DONE that you will never ever ever do again. I have a story to go with most of these. Perhaps I will tell them in the future.

  1. Wash dishes at a restaurant or old folks home

  2. Ride my ATV blindly over the top of a hill

  3. Call my mother the "B" word (i was 17 and it was the only time she ever hit me)

  4. Work at a Help Desk or any kind of tech support/customer service job

  5. Watch a movie starring Tom Cruise

  6. Willingly drink expired orange juice

  7. Drink beer I found in a parking lot*

  8. Blindly trust another human

  9. Drive 80 miles an hour on a residential street and run two stop signs while unknowingly being chased by a cop

  10. Own a Ford

  11. Consume a 2 liter bottle of soda right before a 2 hour bus ride. A bus without a john. A school bus to be precise.

*When I was 19 in the summer between freshman and sophomore year of college I worked nights driving a sweeper truck. We did a lot of the parking lots in this area, Wal-mart, Shop n Save (all of the ones in this area from Dover to Rochester to Wells) and at least once a week we would find a 12 pack with at least a couple of unopened beers left in them.

Thursday, May 25, 2006


Lurleen started going to Weight Watchers a couple of weeks ago. We know when its Weight Watchers night because she has showered and is wearing jeans. So, anyway, Lurleen was ecstatic telling my wife that she has lost .1 pound. That's not weight loss, it's urinating before weigh-in.

Lurleen by Gagknee

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

What Happened to Lurleen?

She hasn't been around as much because she now has a car. They traded in their Mustang for a Taurus.

Anyway, I remembered something that happened last week that I wanted to post about. When my family was staying at my house during the flood, Lurleen came over one day. After she left my sister asked, "Does she always come over wearing pajamas and a bathrobe?"

Just a Recommendation

Yesterday, I had a block of sharp cheddar cheese that I was going to combine with slices of pepperoni and Triscuits to make a delicious snack. A slight problem with my plan occurred when I noticed the block of cheese was "best used by Oct 11 2005".


The package was then opened and sniffed but it is sharp cheddar and its supposed to smell a little funky. A slight oily sheen on the cheese was the only clue that something might be wrong with it but other than that it appeared fine. I decided to go for it.

Half the block was eaten, and I am still alive obviously, although I wish there weren't so many bugs crawling on my skin.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

A Man Can Dream, Can't He?


Its like the late 70s at Hilltop Chevrolet with 3 1970s Chevy trucks and one from the 60s in their lot.

Twunny Fo

Holy Crap! We have to wait until January 2007! Acch!

I have nothing bad to say about last nights finale, other than what was Audrey thinking wearing a black bra under a white silk shirt? I know I know she was injured and thats probably all she had in her CTU locker. Remember nursery school when you were 4 (or maybe you called it K-4)? You had to have a spare set of clothes that you kept there all year in case you had an accident. They were the ugliest clothes you owned probably. I wouldn't know because I never wet myself.

Oh, and Morris (Maurice?) cracked me UP. I hope he is in more episodes next season.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Things I Would Like to Be

If I wasn't what I am now, in no particular order:

  1. GNCC ATV Racer

  2. A handy man. You know, some guy who fixes just about anything to do with houses without ripping people off.

  3. Owner of a miniature golf course, called Andyland.

  4. ATV/Motorcycle mechanic.

  5. Sanitation Engineer. The guy who gets to ride on the back of the garbage truck is a lucky man. So why does he always look so unhappy?

  6. Cartoonist or comic strip guy.

  7. Brewer. Patriot. Like Samuel Adams.

  8. Civil Engineer. What boy doesn't want to build bridges and tunnels?

  9. UPS Driver. Any job where you get to drive with your door open is cool with me.

  10. Late Night Talk Show Host. I could totally do a better job than Jimmy Kimmel.

  11. Oops. I meant to keep the list to ten... Major League Baseball player.

Fabulous Movie Reviews

Four Brothers
Four brothers (by adoption) avenge their mother's death. Marky Mark stars as the "head" brother. This is a great movie, although I still don't quite understand why the mother was murdered. The plot moved well and it didn't have (m)any "what the?? thats stupid!" moments. There were some touching moments, some good action sequences, a plot twist, a few surprises and a guy sitting on a crapper, you know, all the stuff that goes into making a good movie. There was occasional overacting by a few of the characters, but nothing that made me cringe.

My wife and I played no games during the viewing of Four Brothers. Sorry.

I give this movie 3 5/8 stars out of 5.

Is it weird to see Adam Sandler in this kind of movie? Yes. I loved Punch Drunk Love, which Sandler was also in, and I loved (well, somewhere between liked and loved, maybe, really really liked) this movie too.

Sandlers character, John Clasky, is a very successful chef with a psycho wife, an alcoholic MIL, two kids, and a Mexican maid who also has a daughter. Hilarity ensues. Oh wait no, DRAMA ensues. Its still a good movie though. It'll make you cry too. No, I kid, although, the sandwich Clasky made at one point during the movie did, because I realized I would never ever be able to eat something so delicious in my life.

Again, no games, but this is good, because I could concentrate more on the movie allowing me to give it 3 7/16 stars out of 5.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Heads of Fiddle

If you are like me, then you have seen these in the stores for years, wondered what the heck they were, but never bothered or forgot to look up what they were once you got home.

The other day my wife and I were walking and I saw new ferns sprouting on the side of the road and I said to her that they look a lot like those fiddlehead thingies that they sell at the grocery store. She, like a lot of the time, had no idea what I was talking about and just humored me. That moment I reached a turning point in my life. No longer was I going to continue through life wallowing in my own fiddlehead ignorance.

Today I looked them up and sure enough they ARE baby ferns. This begs the age old question to be asked yet again, who was the first person to ever eat these and what prompted them to do so?

Next time I am at Hannaford I am going to buy a jar.

Another link

My Fabulous Artwork

Sad Vegan Dog by Gagknee

Thursday, May 18, 2006

From the Mountains of Tibet

I saw one of these Kawasaki Sherpas today on the street. I became slightly jealous because it looked like a lot of fun. I've always wanted a dual sport motorcycle because of the ease at which you can go from one trail system to the next or to be able to take a "hybrid" route home from work, half street and half trail.

Yes, Big A, I already know you think dual sports suck because they don't do street or trail riding particularly well.

More VeeDub

Do you know the difference between speed metal, black metal and death metal? No? Well, VeeDub would be happy to explain if only you would ask.

Her favorite band is Manowar, which I find funny because classifies them as power metal...

Fabulous Movie Review

Ok. Um. Where to begin. If your idea of a good movie is one of Steven Seagal's recent "straight to DVD" pieces of crap*, then you may want to skip this one.

The main character, David Spritz, played by Nicholas Cage, hates who he is, doesn't get any respect and is really quite pathetic. The kind of character Cage plays the best. He spends most of the movie agonizing over how lame being a weather man is, trying to connect on some level with his kids, and pining over his ex wife.

This movie, while not technically a comedy (ok, maybe it is), also made me laugh out loud many times. From the camel toe jokes to Spritz getting pelted with fast food by passing motorists to many good quotes which I will not repeat here.

I'm sure The Weather Man has a deeper "meaning" than what I got out of it. Frankly, I don't care about analyzing the "meaning" of a movie though. Unless it involves Clint, a gun, and a cigar, of course.

In the end, Spritz, after a deep conversation with his dad where dad says, "In this life, you have to chuck some things", accepts the fact that he is a weather man. Which I think is symbolic for another man is sleeping with your wife and living with your family. Or maybe not. The final line in the movie where he comes to this realization is pretty good too.

One of the best parts about The Weather Man is that I beat my wife twice in Battleship. Twice.

All in all, a pretty funny movie which earns 2.834 stars out of 5.

*I probably shouldn't call anything that I haven't actually seen a piece of crap, but I feel pretty safe in this instance using my distinctly human ablities of reason and logic to arrive at this conclusion.

White Water Adventure

My brothers and a couple of friends went canoeing on Salmon Falls Road (yes, you read that right, road) on Tuesday. They capsized and got caught in the current.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

My Fabulous Artwork

Angry Vegan Dog by Gagknee

VeeDub's Dogs

She got new dogs apparently. They peed in her bed and she told us that its because they have separation anxiety. I said they are just mean. Later I told Evil One they peed in her bed because they are tired of eating vegan dog food.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


We have family staying with us, specifically my mother, brother and sister, because they live on Salmon Falls Road in Somersworth which is closed.

Last night as I was falling asleep, I heard what I thought were noises outside. Growling noises I guess. To my overactive imagination it sounded like the bear, Ben, from Grizzly Adams. You know, when they would talk to each other. We've had bears before and I desperately want to capture them on camera.

Unfortunately, nothing was out there when I peered out my window so I sadly plopped myself back down on the pillow.

Later on, I realized that the noise I heard was my mother snoring in the next room.

Not Another Dam Photo

Just a river, the Isinglass where it meets 202 in Barrington.

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

Isinglass River

And, of course, some videos:

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3

Video 4

Bellamy Dam

Pretty lame considering.

Bellamy Dam

I have a problem

Have you ever had a problem where the more you think of it and try not to do it, the more you do?

Yeah, me too. It involves the English language and if you've read this blog or had the privilege or receiving personal email from me you've probably witnessed it.

I screw up words that sound the same (or almost the same) but are spelled different.

There, they're, their

Where, wear

Your, you're

Even, no and know

Sadly, I KNOW the right way to use each word. I think its just my brain playing jokes on me. Or karma, for making fun of so many people.


Hear, here
Write, right


Not the name of the new Van Halen album or the title of a movie set in the future where women rule the planet and all men are castrated at age 13, except for a select few who are used for breeding, and forced to work in sulfur mines deep under the earth, but the total cost of the gas I purchased this morning, $59.50.

I was really empty. Really empty. The only gas left in the vehicle by the time I made it to Irving was in the fuel lines, empty. This is proven by the fact that I have an 18 gallon tank in my truck but I managed to squeeze 20.244 gallons into it. Amazing.

Monday, May 15, 2006

In Other News

I also locked my keys in my truck this morning requiring me to excercise my AAA member benefits. This is the 2nd time in little over a month. Tomorrow, I promise that I will march down to the hardware store and request 4 spare keys. One for my wife, one to keep in my desk at work, one to hang on the key rack at home, and one to attach to the truck in a secret location.

The tools that the wrecker guys use to unlock your vehicle are cool too. A wedge, a lever and an air bladder. I have to get me some of those too. The only problem is I would keep them in my truck.

Dam Flood

From your favorite dam photographer.

You can look at pictures of what this dam normally looks like here and here.

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

Somersworth Dam

And several videos:

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3

Video 4

Video 5