Tuesday, February 27, 2007


My day at work.

It's a good thing I got a good night's sleep.

Within 5 minutes of arriving:

"I need my java plug in upgraded to the version that is compatible with the new daylight savings time"

"Theres a new hire who started yesterday and she needs access to everything. and a phone. and a computer"

"did you start working on that database for death puts?"

"i hate you"

On the bright side, my boss did say I could move to the other cube that I wanted.

I got ridiculed twice today by two separate people. Once by the other half of the ambigulously gay duo and once by some other doofus on the phone.

My head is too stuffed up to elaborate, but suffice to say both incidents were similar to Kreblog's Ya think incident.

Ok. I will elaborate a little. The first incident with AmbiGayGuy involved the new person who started yesterday. She had previously worked at our company up until 5 months ago and now she is back. I asked AmbiGayGuy, "Where is she now, in orientation?" To which he replied, "She's like, she can write her own ticket. She's been here for like 20 years. She doesn't need orientation."

In reality, she's 29 years old.

The other incident was over the phone and was pretty much "how can you be so stupid as to not know every nuance of the 17 stages of getting a person access to proprietary software written by a contractor for a company we bought out in 1999."

In theory, neither statement should really bother me, but of course they did. Probably due in part because my head is stuffed up and I am relegated to the mouth breather social class, it is hard to talk and come up with a snappy retort. Hence, I feel powerless.


Man. I walked out my door this morning and the birds were singing, the squirrels were squirreling, the sun was shining, and the air smelled of fresh clean dew. I felt like I should have been camping.

I love spring. And its nice not having to wait until June to get it.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Dr. Yes

This has just been declared healed a couple of days ago. It was a painful ordeal drawn out by dry forced hot air heating and windy weather.

I stand by my pledge to never eat Pringles again, but...the new Mini Pringles (the site is in Flash so it's not a direct link) are a great substitute. Although, I do agree with this guy that they don't taste quite the same as the original, which I attribute to the chips being made a little heavier duty to withstand the trauma of being packaged in a bag rather than a can. And I wish that they came in a normal sized potato chip bag rather than the small single serving bags that they are currently packaged in.

TV: See, Must

I missed the Thursday night lineup, which leads me to rant about a major point of contention between myself and the NBC network. Why is only The Office available on iTunes? Hmm?

Get out of here you lousy....season

I thought that I was going to make it through a winter completely unscathed for the first time in my life. Adult life, that is. It's hard to imagine winter scathing a child. "Ohhhh no school today? Aww man."

No ice dams, dead batteries, transmission replacements, accidents, strandings, shoveling, frostbite, or running out of oil in the middle of the night.

But alas, it was not meant to be.

We left NH last night at 6 pm. No sooner than four hours later after leaving the friendly confines of New England, the snow started to fall in the Evil Empire State.

It never occurred to us to check the Weather Channel before we left.

I made it to Fishkill and turned off the highway and sat in a Tarmart parking lot listening to AM radio weather reports. I knew instinctively that if I could make it to Wilkes-Barre and past the mountains everything would be alright.

The forecast said 2 to 4 inches and there were a lot of reports of accidents. Ugh.

What to do. What to do.

The snow was coming down pretty hard.

Eh. Let's get back on the highway.

I kept driving. All white knuckle-like over the Hudson river and promptly pulled over in Newburgh and found myself and my family a room at the barely Quality Inn. It was 11:30 pm.

It was the sensible thing to do. It's one thing to risk your own life which you've wasted, but with three young'uns aboard, who have barely even gotten a chance to taste the bittersweetness of life, I decided it was best to swallow my pride and wait till morning.

Of course, it didn't hurt that I reeeeeallly didn't want to go to work on Monday after being up all night. Although, it would have been funny.

"Hey, Andy, my computer is slow today"

"Oh really? Did it ever occur to you THAT I DON'T CARE?"

Friday, February 16, 2007

Kip Journal 4/16/1999

"The best way to keep you wife inline is to beat her now and again"

[Kip humor. It's as painful to read as it was to hear. Ed.]

Read the Kip Journal FAQ

Thursday, February 15, 2007

TV: See, Must

I am going to start rating them. No fancy pants type review, not that I have ever been fancy pants, just a simple ranking. 1 through 4 with 1 being the best. Tonight:

1. 30 Rock. Jeez. What a show.
2. My Name is Earl. A very good Earl, but 30 Rock was just amazing.
3. The Office. This doesn't happen often in my mental rankings from the past year.
4. Scrubs. Its a good show but how can it compete with that ^

I Wasn't Knocking It

I wasn't being sarcastic about pork rinds. I ate a bag tonight while watching Must See TV.

Fabulous Movie Review

Talladega Nights
I wanted to love this movie. Really, I did. But I didn't. It was good, I laughed a few times, but like Anchorman, taken on the whole, it wasn't awe-inspiring, more yaw-n-inspiring.

Will Ferrell, I think, can't carry a movie by himself, he's better in the type of role he had in Old School, or Wedding Crashers, although I will concede that Elf is pretty freakin' funny, but that could just be because of Bob Newhart. Call me blasphemous, you Ferrephiles, but I shall not waiver.

What to rate it? Since it was just an average movie to me, I decided to determine its rating by calculating the average of every rating I've giving to all of my Fabulous Movie Reviews. 3.114656769 out of 5.

Ooo. Gee. On second thought, thats too high. 2.6 stars out of 5. And that's probably a little generous. 2.4 stars out of 5.

Mmmm, Fried Skin

The vending machines on the first floor of my building have beef jerky. It's expensive though, which beef jerky tends to be anyway, at $1.25 for three quarters of an ounce. My only question is, which building/floor do I find the pork rinds?

There's a Blue Bird on My Shoulder

This morning outside my window, I heard a bird singing. How wonderful! Spring is right around the corner.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Refreshment Extinguishes Thirst

I was perusing the soda selection at my local 7-11 (of which there are three) the other day, and lo and behold I came across Garci Crespo Refresco Apaga Sed Toronja Bebida con Sabor Natural. It's the yellow labeled green bottle in the picture.

Grapefruit soda. Similar to Half and Half from Squamscot Soda, but it's not half grapefuit. It's all grapefruit. Ay, there's the rub. It's good and I like it, but it could benefit from a generous portion of lemon.

Colt Sh**t

I'm not going to complain about my job anymore. It is what it is. I do however reserve the right to complain about and/or ridicule individual people.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Shave already, or at least trim it

In the absence of warm weather or a Patriots game I must have watch 6 episodes of Mythbusters and 3 episodes of American Chopper yesterday. It was a good day. Going riding or fishing would have been better though.

Quit It. Quit It. Quit It. Quit It.

For three straight days, my right deltoid has been twitching. Not the whole thing, but just one small section. The same section every time though. No pain. Just a twitch. I should search on WebMD. It's probably a zinc oxide deficiency or something stupid like that.

Here's a short video to prove it. No laughing at my freckly peach fuzzy arm. Click on the picture.

Never Say Never Again or Dr. No

I swear on my cat's life that I will never eat Pringles again. The corner mouth sore, I just can't deal with it again. I tried to take a big bite of my lunch today (I was extremely hungry because it was 3 pm), and while opening my mouth wider than an python devouring a goat, the corner of my mouth tore.

Blood and mushrooms. Not exactly the most enticing of pizza toppings. Unless you are French-Canadian, which amazingly enough, I am...they don't call me gagknee for nothing. But I still didn't like it.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Hot Dog

The title means nothing.

It amazes me how Red Sox fans will continue to follow a player's career after he's moved on to another team.

That being said, what's up with Bronson's hair? He looks like David Spade.


Per my tradition (what tradition, you boob?), I will review Thursday night's Must See lineup.


A few jokes I would like to reminisce about: Michael telling the story about Phyllis being called "Easy Rider" in high school. Lemon saying "This would have worked on Ugly Betty."

Good stuff. Err, great stuff.

Delayed Reaction

I know we are almost a week removed from the Super Bowl, but I've started using the phrase "Stupid Colts" whenever something bad happens, like a swear. Please, feel free to do it also.

Stub your toe on the coffee table, "STUPID COLTS!"

Boss makes you work late so he can sneak out with his mistress, "STUPID COLTS!"

Someone cuts you off in traffic or is going 60 in the fast lane, "STUPID COLTS!"

You get the picture.

Seagull Walk. Seagull Run.

I hit a seagull during one of my commutes this week. It was all so surreal. He didn't try to fly away. He was just walking across the highway and never made any attempt to get away. I couldn't stop or slow down or swerve (not that I wanted to, stupid sky rat) because of heavy traffic. It all happened in slow motion. One second he was waddling across the highway, the next I hear the dull thump of his head against my undercarriage. The next day he was still there in the middle of the highway, frozen solid (stupid dump dove) one wing up in the air.

Today at lunch, while eating my Kung Pao Chicken, I thought of my friend, the flying vermin, and shed a tear. Poor little fella.

You Always Hurt the One Who Loves You

I love Pringles. However, sometimes when I eat a whole can, it creates a sore at one of the corners of my mouth, due to a combination of the salt and the chafing action of the edges of the chips.

A sore at the corner of your mouth is annoying for two reasons. One, every time you open your mouth it splits open and two, people think you have herpes. I get tired of telling people I don't have herpes.

Worst. Week. Ever.

Luckily it went by fast. I can't even begin to describe all of the assinine, mind numbing tasks I had to complete this week. It's going to get worse too because BO is out for 8 weeks on disability.

I did about 4 hours of programming this week, and half of that was an Access application and VBA. Again, not what I signed up for.

There's an empty cube that I want to move to. It's more private plus I could look outside (oh glorious windows!), but I can't decide if I should just move there and suffer any consequences or ask permission first. What are they gonna do, fire me? Oh, um, maybe :)

Here's a map of where I currently sit.

There's a lot of traffic. It's noisy. I don't like people staring at the back of my head all day. I'm a baby.

Monday, February 05, 2007

House Hunters

I'd like to create a TV show called House Hunter Hunters. It would be about a man who hunts down all of these weiners who appear on the show House Hunters complaining about not having a 2nd guest bedroom or a master bath that doesn't have a tub and a separate shower, or being forced to use their exercise equipment in the same room that the computer is in, kidnaps them and forces them to live in a 1300 sq ft 1970s ranch with (egads!) pine kitchen cabinets and faux wood countertops, a master bath with only one sink, ONE!, and berber carpet throughout. Or he would just slap them around and make them cry.

Pansies. You wouldn't last a day.

Fabulous Movie Review

The Lady in the Water
I was excited to see this much maligned creation of M. Night Shadklsjfkasdjf. I've enjoyed all of his movies and this one was no exception. Yeah, it's a little weird and disjointed at times, but so what. It's imaginative.

A more adult (calm down) version would have been better though. The scary parts are just hinted at and don't really come to the forefront, just like a true children's story.

Two complaints. One, Mr. Night, while doing a cameo in one of your movies is entirely acceptable, taking on a starring role is silly. Second, a scene, and I won't give anything away, involving a kid who interprets, was stupid. STUPID.

A few other moments were silly too, even for a fairy tale, but taken on the whole, it's worth watching. Three stars out of Five.


In a sidenote, actually its more like a prenote, wife and I got sucked into watching Jack Bauer in The Vanishing on TBS or something last night. It was pretty bad. Jack only killed one person and Chloe wasn't in the movie at all.

This episode of 24 was greeeeeat though. Honestly, I didn't see the ending coming, but what's the deal with the world's most evil man, Powers Boothe, (have you ever seen Deadwood? He's great in that) as the Vice President? Not knowing how Wayne Palmer became President, I can't speculate on what would possess him to choose this guy as his running mate, but it could only be blackmail.

President Palmer is also big into speaking barely above a whisper for emphasis, someone should inform him that it doesn't work.

Why do I speak about this show as if it was real life?

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Kip Journal 4/14/1999

Kip said Jared was an easy target to make fun of.

In college, Kip got good pot. he used to know this guy who would drive to NYC to get it.

Read the Kip Journal FAQ

Label Me Not Impressed

I thought Must See TV was a little mediocre this week. Like the producers of all four shows got together and decided that each would air their worst episodes of the season.

No Thanks

$250 for the full version! No thanks. I've never had a problem with XP. I'll just wait another year or two until I buy a new computer.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

I Want One

My latest obsession. Dirt bikes with street tires, also known as Super Moto bikes.

I just remembered one of them

A 32-year-old city man is accused of assaulting...

My first thought when I read the first line of the article was that maybe I knew him, since we are in fact the same age. I'm glad to say I did not know him. Then I saw his picture and I thought that he is the oldest and ugliest looking 32 year old man I have ever seen.

I can't believe we are the same age. Three cheers for aging well! Hip hip hooray...


I had three posts written down on a piece of paper at work and I left the paper on my desk. And I can't remember what they are.

Let's see what I can come up with.

The BO at work has an unusual facial structure that reminds me of something that I haven't been able to put my finger on until now. A rotting jack o lantern. You think I am kidding or exaggerating but I'm not.