Friday, May 29, 2009

Pants on Fire

Thing1: Have you ever done [some programmy thing that doesn't really matter and would just bore you]?

Me: Long time ago, in Disco ASP*, not in .NET

In my head: Started to last week but got busy with something else

Thing 1: If you think of way to do it can you tell me? Andy can you? Andy?

Me: Yup

In my head: Nope

Before you label me insensitive or a jerk, let me paint a picture for you.

Two mechanics are working at a garage, lets call them Bob and Tim. Tim says to Bob, "I've never replaced a head gasket before. Could you come over here and help me change this one?"

Now, I picked a head gasket because its a pretty time consuming operation, but not terribly difficult. You would expect a mechanic, someone whose occupation it is to work on vehicles, to be able to change one without much difficulty, and a mechanic who couldn't do such a task should probably find a new profession or be relegated to oil changing duty.

If Bob were to act as Tim's enabler, then Bob is accomplishing nothing. Not only is Bob's, and the company's time wasted, but Tim has not learned a thing. Also, after the successful completion of said job, Tim gets to take all the credit for the job well done and Bob looks like a boob in front of Jason, the boss, because his work isn't done on time.

*I don't know if I've ever mentioned in, on or around this blog, but I call Classic ASP, Disco ASP, because "classic" implies something good that you remember fondly and still enjoy on occasion.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


I've been pretty inconsistent with my movie ratings, not so much with the good movies, but with the less than good movies. Deciding what to rate movies that aren't so good can sometimes end up being pretty random. I look at my 10 scale in that regards almost like the 100 scale in school. Less than 60, what's the point? It's all bad. You still failed. Anyway, what I am trying to do is qualify the badness. Separate the very bad from the extremely bad.

So, here's my scale. I will stick to it as best as I can forever and ever and ever and ever.

10 - Perfection

9.5 - Nearly perfect

9 - Wicked awesome

8.5 - Very, very, very good

8 - Very, very good

7.5 - Very good

7 - Good

6.5 - Pretty good

6 - Ok

5.5 - Not bad

5 - Could be worse

4.5 - Pretty stupid

4 - Bad

3.5 - Very, very bad

3 - I just got dumber

2.5 - Ludicrous

2 - Mind-numbingly awful

1.5 - All those responsible should be hanged

1 - Suckiest movie that ever sucked

Fabulous Movie Review©

Kung Fu Panda
Released: 2008
Rating: PG (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Length: 1 hr 32 mins
Genre: Animation, Comedy
Starring: Jack Black, Ian McShane, Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan
Directed by: John Stevenson, Mark Osborne
Producer: Glenn Berger, Jonathan Aibel
Writer: Cyrus Voris, Ethan Reiff
Entertaining, albeit slightly bland, and worlds better than its summertime contemporary WALL-E, a movie which I couldn't even finish let alone write about in this space.
7.5 out of 10

Monday, May 25, 2009


A snapping turtle wandered through my back yard this morning.

With that and the raccoon I spied in the neighbor's junk pile, I've got a regular ole wild kingdom going on.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Fabulous Movie Review©

Righteous Kill
Released: 2008
Rating: R (Restricted)
Length: 1 hr 40 mins
Genre: Crime, Drama
Starring: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Curtis 50 Cent Jackson, Carla Gugino
Directed by: Jon Avnet
I don't get some of the hatred levelled at Righteous Kill. No, it's not perfect by any means, and the Heat-esque ending is a little silly, but it's a good movie and worth watching.

For the record, the "twist" surprised me, but then, I'm not as smart as you, am I?

I wish they hadn't portrayed Carla Gugino as such a sloot. It sullies my image of her.
8.0 out of 10

Fabulous Movie Review©

Seven Pounds
Released: 2008
Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Length: 2 hrs 3 mins
Genre: Drama
Starring: Will Smith, Rosario Dawson, Woody Harrelson, Michael Ealy, Barry Pepper
Directed by: Gabriele Muccino
Producer: David Crockett, David J. Bloomfield, Domenico Procacci, James Lassiter, Jason Blumenthal, Molly Allen
Writer: Grant Nieporte
Weird movie. Just, weird. I mean, I get what he's doing, but I just don't understand why. Well, I suppose I understand why, but I think he's a little unhinged. Too extreme. A little bit cuckoo. I could, or you could, get all deep and dissect "the meaning", but what's the friggin' point? You'll just be wasting precious moments of your life that could have been better served plucking hair out of your ears or cleaning your keyboard with compressed air.

I don't want to give the ending away, oh who cares, jellyfish assisted suicide? Really? Is that even possible?
5.5 out of 10

Fabulous Movie Review©

The Dark Knight
Released: 2008
Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Length: 2 hrs 32 mins
Genre: Action, Comic Book
Starring: Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Caine
Cinematographer: Wally Pfister, Timothy E. Angulo, Lev Yevstratov
Yeah, so The Dark Knight is phenomenal, Heath Ledger's performance was mind-blowing, Tom Cruise is a douche, but you already know that. And I won't attempt to sound smart by repeating what every one else has said ad nauseum.

Allow me, if you will, to bring up a few negative and not so negative points, because thats what I do best. That, and suck spaghetti through my nose.

  • It's better than Batman Begins, but not by much in my estimation.
  • Maggie Gyllenhaal. Would somebody please send her back to the island of misfit toys? What happened to Katie Cruise? I have no real opinion on her other than feeling slightly bad that she is being held captive, but she was in the last movie. Continuity? Maybe this question has already been answered and I am just showing my ignorance. I still hate Tom Cruise, in case you wanted to know, and other than being caught completely by surprise by his appearance in Tropic Thunder, I have remained loyal to myself and have not watched one of his movies.
  • Two-Face seemed oddly out of place in this film. Weirdly cartoonish and over the top it seemed to me.
9.0 out of 10

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Effort Estimate

I wonder how much work it would take to make one of these babies roadworthy? I've got all summer.


There goes my breakfast

A human turd on the sidewalk is pretty disgusting. It's right up there with decapitated dog and 50 pounds of rotting fish guts in July.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


You know what's awkward? When the ugliest dude in the building (no, not me) hits on the most attractive woman. What makes it doubly awkward is the ugliest dude is also incredibly not funny, but thinks he is, and is completely oblivious to others obvious disinterest in what he is saying.

So, why does this make me feel awkward? Well, besides feeling compassion for those less fortunate, if I am in the general vicinity, he will always try to drag me into his conversations. And he doesn't "get" being ignored. He just talks louder and gets closer to you.

Yeah, no, I'm not into hitting on women at work, but that doesn't mean I want to be grouped in their minds as part of the jack ass club.

Fabulous Movie Review©

License to Wed
Released: 7/3/2007
Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Length: 1 hr 31 mins
Genre: Comedy
Starring: Robin Williams, Mandy Moore (II), John Krasinski, Eric Christian Olsen, Christine Taylor
Directed by: Ken Kwapis
A delightfully funny and endearing comedy that will lift your spirits and have you believing that perfect love still exists in the world.



If Jim Carrey and Steve Carell form two thirds of the Unholy Trinity of Comedic Dopes then Robin Williams is at the top of that triangle. Does there exist a director who could or would say during the filming of any scene with Robin Williams, "No, dude, cut the sh%t. Seriously. You are not funny and are starting to really p#ss me off"?

The cast of The Office closely resembles the cast of Friends where none of them have a clue how to build a career post-sitcom, except the least talented one, who somehow manages to scratch together a decent living riding on the coattails of someone more famous.

Mandy Moore reminds of a child's drawing of a girl. Her face is oddly one-dimensional and one shade of orange. They were out of peach colored crayons that day, apparently.
4.0 out of 10

Fabulous Movie Review©

The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio
Released: 2005
Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Length: 1 hr 39 mins
Genre: Drama
Starring: Julianne Moore, Woody Harrelson, Laura Dern, Trevor Morgan, Ellary Porterfield
Directed by: Jane Anderson
Cinematographer: Jonathan Freeman
Writer: Jane Anderson
Producer: Jack Rapke, Marty P. Ewing, Robert Zemeckis, Steve Starkey
Writer: Terry Ryan
Knowing full well that the following admission will result in having to turn my brass pair into the local repository in exchange for a slightly smaller, less durable and hollow tin pair, I must admit that I kinda liked this movie.
7.0 out of 10