Thursday, July 30, 2009

A Good Challenge

Deciphering somebody else's javascript which controls iframes within tables within iframes within tables within iframes.

The title of my post could have easily been "Not Fun", but I am trying to be optimistic. Plus, when I do finally finish what I am working on I can turn around and yell, "You SUUUUCK! Get off the stage!"* to the person behind me.

*That's from a movie**

**I would never actually say that to a person, but you know that already***

***Well, I hope you do


I did it today. The two breath laugh. I want to crawl under a rock and not come out for a week.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Fabulous Movie Review©

Charlie Wilson's War (Widescreen)
Released: 2007
Rating: R (Restricted)
Length: 1 hr 42 mins
Genre: Drama
Starring: Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Amy Adams, Ned Beatty
Directed by: Mike Nichols
Cinematographer: Stephen Goldblatt, Antonia Van Drimmelen
I really want to be objective about this movie, but I can't. And I don't have to be. I hate movies that are a behind the scenes look at Congress and the "struggles" they have to go through. Please. Congressman aren't heroes.

Philip Seymour Hoffman is a great actor. Every character he has ever played is completely believable and his performance in this movie is no exception.
3.5 out of 10 (Very, very bad)


I enjoy a good laugh, but people who laugh hard at everything make me very uncomfortable. Worse still is the person who not only laughs hard at everything, but who laughs longer than what I consider to be normal.

What do I consider abnormal?

Well, I'm glad you asked. I consider an abnormal laugh any laugh that exceeds the capacity of your lungs and you have to replenish your air supply in order to continue laughing.

Once in a while. Great. You are obviously a very happy and enthusiastic man. I applaud that. But every time? There's something wrong with you. You're on my watch list.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Fabulous Movie Review©

Released: 2007
Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Length: 1 hr 54 mins
Genre: Animation, Fantasy
Starring: Ray Winstone, Crispin Glover, Angelina Jolie, Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich
Directed by: Robert Zemeckis
Producer: Buzz Hays, Jack Rapke, Jacqueline M. Lopez, Josh McLaglen
Writer: Anonymous, Neil Gaiman, Roger Avary
From the library, not Netflix, and I did not know what to expect. I vaguely remember when it came out, but don't recall what the buzz was, whether good, bad or indifferent, and I was surprised to discover that it is computer animated. Because of that, at times I felt like I was watching Shrek. There's a lot of big names in this movie which usually spells disaster if you ask me. Too many fat egos, but I guess since its animated they could all record their parts at different times and not have to cross swords with each other.

Anywho, its entertaining, thats for sure. Not bad for wasting time between 11 pm and 1 am on a Saturday night. I don't understand why Beowulf fought Grendel naked (easy ladies you only see his animated butt). I mean, if its me, I want protection. That's why cups were invented. Baseball and hockey players never used to wear helmets, but I bet they've always had cups. Literally. They probably used tin mugs. Or better yet. Pewter steins.
6.5 out of 10 (Pretty good)

In Love

I love the clean simple lines of a 1970s Blazer. People always say "they don't make'em like they used to", and in many ways it's good that they don't, but the list of things that's good about this 77 Blazer is a lot longer than the list of good things about an 09 Tahoe. In my opinion of course. I wonder if Chevy came out with a new Blazer, the exact same thing as a 77 (actually a 75 would be better) except that it had modern fuel injected engine and transmission with overdrive, if it would even sell. Probably not. Solid axles, rubber floors, vinyl seats, and removable roofs just don't go over well any more. Oh wait. I just described a Jeep Wrangler.


I wish I was as ripped as Madonna.

I've said it many times before and I will say it many times in the future, man, Madonna is disgusting.

You know those puffball fungi that emit a cloud of dust when you pop them? That's what I imagine would happen if you squeezed one of her biceps. What a hag.

Fabulous Movie Review©

Vanishing Point
Released: 3/13/1971
Rating: R (Restricted)
Length: 1 hr 39 mins
Genre: Action
Starring: Barry Newman, Cleavon Little, Dean Jagger, Victoria Medlin, Paul Koslo
Directed by: Richard C. Sarafian
Cinematographer: John A. Alonzo
Editor: Stefan Arnsten
Producer: Michael Pearson, Norman Spencer
Writer: Barry Hall, G. Cabrera Infante, Malcolm Hart
Do you like cars? Do you like fast cars? Do you like muscle cars? Do you like car chases? Watch this movie. Take it as it is, a 1 hour and 39 minute car chase. Nothing more, nothing less. You will love it. Just make sure you don't watch the 1997 remake. I haven't seen that one, but I am positive it sucks.
8 out of 10 (Very, very good)

Monday, July 27, 2009


Yesterday I mostly stayed indoors. I went out for a minute, but it was really sunny out. I'm just tired of the sun, and wish it would rain for a day. Its hot and it burns.


I was hoping someone could enlighten me on what cocaine seats are in this ad on craigslist:

1977 monte carlo newport green with cocaine seats

A link to the ad if you are so inclined.

Pictures of Fish

Daughter's first fish of the day. Caught within seconds of her first cast into the water. I also wanted to mention that she put her own worms on the hook, voluntarily, but in true girl fashion she gave the worms names. My great grandfather once told me "If you find a girl who can put worms on a hook, marry her. She's a keeper." That's great advice, but I would like to expand on that with my own little bit of homespun wisdom for any aspiring husbands in the distant future, "Buzz off. I hate you."

The boy's record bluegill. The picture doesn't do it justice. It was big enough that his little fishing pole couldn't reel it in all the way and I had to pull it in by hand. The fish was fat enough that I had a hard time getting my oversized female hands around its belly when removing the hook.

Max Stamina

I'm at the checkout of the nearby Chinese owned convenience store and deli and I noticed a display of little packets of something called "Max Stamina: Increase your performance by 50%!!"

Judging by the pictures on the cardboard display, this product is not designed* to help me ride my bike faster and farther...

Who are the people buying this stuff? Hopefully nobody I know.

*I use the term "designed" as loosely as possible.

Saturday, July 25, 2009


Went fishing today with the kids. The boy caught the biggest bluegill I've ever seen in person. The only thing I caught was a hook under my finger nail. It doesn't matter if you are black, white, French, German or Martian, that hurts. Pretty good odds it will get infected too.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Ah, Now I Get It

All these years I've been using the unimproved clinch knot, I wish someone had told me that they had improved it.

We Are Not in a War

Usually on Fridays a guy I work with and I ride our mountain bikes. A couple of Fridays ago he crashed pretty hard following me up a hill (and that was after he crashed following me hop over a median). He didn't ride last Friday, and today one of his pedals fell off from damage sustained during his hill crash (and his seat was loose too from the attempted median hop). I convinced him he was fine to ride with the stub of his pedal (because that's what I like to do, convince people to do things they aren't sure they should do) and we continued on to Belle Isle. Once on the island I took him down a really cool trail and we stopped at a sandy beach to take a break and drink some water. A couple of minutes pass and I hop on my bike and start to leave and he's got a flat. I attempted to pump up his tire but the air is leaking out as quickly as I am pumping it in. Obviously, he was going to have to walk it back which sucks because its a good mile and a half back to work. He kept telling me to go on ahead, go on ahead, but you can't, I explained, ever leave one of your riding buddies behind. What if we were in a war and you got shot? The rest of us wouldn't run off and leave you to die. We are not in a war, he said. I gave up trying to explain and just rode around in circles while he walked.

I hope he rides next Friday and isn't discouraged by these never ending bicycle mishaps.


One of our neighbors gave us a gallon of milk. Its going to expire in a couple of days and they had too much. That's cool with me since we drink about a gallon a day. It's a brand I've never had before and it smells like cheese. The milk doesn't taste bad at all it just has a very cheddary bouquet.


I'm not a big stickler for standards when it comes to programming. I don't care what prefix you assign to the IDs of your controls or how you name your variables. Just be consistent. And not sloppy. I hate sloppy. If you delete more than one line of code, delete the blank lines too, please. There's nothing I hate more than seeing 6 blank lines in the middle of a function.

Fabulous Movie Review©

Villa Rides
Released: 1968
Rating: R (Restricted)
Length: 2 hrs 2 mins
Genre: Western
Starring: Yul Brynner, Robert Mitchum, Charles Bronson
Directed by: Buzz Kulik
Cinematographer: Jack Hildyard
Composer: Maurice Jarre
Editor: David Bretherton
Rather dull and forgettable movie about Pancho Villa and an American pilot who is forced to help Villa during the Mexican Revolution. Yul Brynner looked strange with hair and mustache and he was his usual stoic self, but I don't imagine Pancho Villa being stoic. I think someone who captured the hearts and minds of so many people would have a little charisma.
5 out of 10 (Could be worse)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

A Day in the Life of Thing 1

I won't be doing this any more. I think you get my point.

9:33 arrives

12:24 - 1:20 lunch

1:20 - 1:58 on phone

2:03 - 2:06 on phone

2:07 - 2:11 on phone

3:21 - 3:26 on phone

3:44 - 3:48 on phone

5:16 left

Sometimes I Wish

That I could focus in on one obsession rather than bounce around from one thing to another, but then something like THIS appears and knocks me off course.


Is it unreasonable to expect someone to make personal calls during their hour long lunch break, instead of jabbering for 20 30 38 minutes two feet behind me after said break is over?

When she gets off I am going to call one of my buddies from home.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

A Day in the Life of Thing 1

Pretty uneventful. Not much phone time or nap time. Other than not even coming close to putting in a full work day (it is still 8 hours right?), I was disappointed.

9:23 Arrives

9:34 Announces she has a virus on her computer, leaves the room so the men can tend to her PC.

10:23 - 10:41 Staring off into space

11:04 - 11:11 phone

11:16 - 11:31 Staring off into space

11:31 - 11:33 phone

11:33 - 11:36 resume staring off into space

11:45 - 11:55 Staring at computer, presumably working, although no typing actually occurring

11:55 - 12:01 dozing

12:20 - 1:17 eating lunch

1:17 - 1:20 on phone

1:46 - 1:52 staring into space

2:00 - 3:00 meeting

3:21 - 3:23 phone

3:51 - 3:56 staring off into space

4:38 - 4:42 phone

4:50 - 5:05 reading news on the interweb

5:05 - 5:15 bathroom

5:15 - left

License Plate

just saw a license plate that said PLUMPQT

Mes Mains Noires

Wife's van didn't pass inspection. It needed new wheel bearings or for a late model front wheel drive what is now called a wheel hub assembly. Which is, of course, more expensive than just plain old wheel bearings. About 100 bucks each.

Everything went smoothly. I had it done in 3 hours which could easily have been shortened to two if I felt like working with even an ounce of urgency. Why would I though? It was nice out, quiet and the bugs were surprisingly non-existent.

I don't know if its modern engineering or the fact that this 9 year old van has hardly ever seen salt covered roads, but I have not had any issues with stuck bolts, something which was always a problem on my older cars. Some of them have been a real bear to get off, but its because of what seems to be thread locker not corrosion, and not a single one has had the head get rounded off.

Fabulous TV Review©

Eastbound & Down
Released: 2009
Rating: Unrated
Length: 3 hrs 0 min
Genre: Comedy, TV
Starring: Danny McBride, Katy Mixon, John Hawkes, Andrew Daly, Ben Best
Producer: Adam McKay, Chris Henchy, David Blake Hartley
Writer: Jody Hill
I stumbled upon this TV show by accident (I think it appeared in the Netflix new releases feed) and I was initially excited because Will Ferrell produces it! But then I realized, ugh, Will Ferrell produces it. Later on I was thinking about Blades of Glory and remembered that Will Ferrell produces Eastbound & Down too! But Semi-Pro was on TV one night which reminded me that Will Ferrell is the producer of Eastbound & Down.

As you can tell, I am very conflicted about Will Ferrell, but I decided to add this to my queue and I watched the first season a few nights ago. As my 7 out of 10 rating will tell you, I thought it was good. A few laugh out loud moments, but mostly chuckles. It didn't gnaw its way into my brain (in a good way) like Flight of the Conchords, but I was entertained.

Its crude too. Just warning ya in case such things offend you. And also, Danny McBride, the star, can NOT throw a baseball. He doesn't short arm it like a lot of actors who can't throw do. He even rares his arm all the way back and you think for a second that he can throw, but right at the release point he does this weird wrist flicking motion and doesn't follow through. Very strange.
7 out of 10 (Good)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Epic Procrastination

I've had my truck for 5 years. Four years ago I installed a new CD player and 3 speakers. Sunday I finally got around to installing the 4th speaker. It was nice to crack out the old soldering iron which is about the closest I get to actually welding. Well, that's not true, I can solder pipes, but thats no fun because it usually involves tight, dark or damp spaces. Or all of the above.

The past three days I've thought of three things where it would be nice if I could weld. The first, fixing the previously mentioned rust hole in my truck. Second, I could buy a Cherokee I found that was damaged in an accident, chop the roof off, and build a roll cage for it. And third, I've got an idea for making some sort of hoist in my shed for storing the little four wheeler off of the floor. More on that one later.

Pleasant Dreams

Thing 1 is taking a nap right now. She's a little early. Usually, her nap time is around 3:30.

I was thinking I might document a day in the life of Thing 1 tomorrow. It alternates between sleeping, staring off into space, pacing and talking on her phone. I'm not sure if she does any actual work, but like Congress, its probably better if she does nothing anyway.

Monday, July 20, 2009


The original plan was to take a picture every week to catalog their growth. Even though the package of seeds said that they would grow 8 to 12 feet I was skeptical. Next year I'll plant them in a spot with a little more room. Anyway, there's a large gap in between the 3rd and 4th pictures where they grew a lot. Almost ready to roast to some seeds now.