Thursday, April 26, 2007

Missin' You

I love my blog. I love posting to my blog. Even if nobody ever read it I would still enjoy it. My semi and fully retarded attempts at humor, which may or may not be be funny to anyone else, are funny to me and thats why I do this. When I was in high school and college my favorite assignment was a short story. Most of those are saved in a box in my attic.

It sucks that I can't throw up (no pun intended) a post during work during a lull in my Administrative Assistant duties. I can't remember all of the inane and retarded things that happen during the day, and I've been extremely lax in writing stuff down to post later.

Remember the movie Awakenings where the good doctor determined that the people couldn't move because their muscles were essentially cancelling each other out (give me some slack, I haven't seen it in over 10 years and I don't feel like consulting IMDB right now)?

I've got nothin'. Ordering mouse pads, scheduling meetings for managers, filling out move request forms, gathering "metrics", answering my boss' email for him...I'm done. I give up. My career is in neutral. And I don't feel much like doing anything else.

Bodycount 2007

A couple of days ago Papi the Cat killed a mole. Total for 2007: 7

Update: Another mole. Eight kills.

Kip Journal 4/28/1999

Kip is out all this week. It has been, relatively speaking, peaceful.

Read the Kip Journal FAQ

Surprise. Surprise.

You Are Oscar the Grouch

Grumpy and grouchy, you aren't just pessimistic. You revel in your pessimism.

You are usually feeling: Unhappy. Unless it's rainy outside, and even then you know the foul weather won't last.

You are famous for: Being mean yet loveable. And you hate the loveable part.

How you live your life: As a slob. But it's not repelling as many people as you'd like!

I'm just glad I wasn't Bert. He was a homo.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Fabulous Movie Reviews®

Rocky Balboa
Probably the sappiest movie I have ever seen in my entire life. Still, though, it was 10 times better than Rocky V. It may be better than Rocky II or Rocky IV, but, honestly I don't remember either of those two very much.

Rocky III has always been my favorite. I saw it at the Strand Theatre with my dad. "It's the eye of the tiger..." I drew Mr. T. cartoons in my notebooks for months and even made a Mr. T. puppet in art class.

I liked how they worked the flashbacks from previous movies into this one, even if it did contribute to the sap factor.

Two things that I would like to point out as good qualities of this movie. One, he did not end up having a romantic relationship with the not unattractive single mom half his age, and two, he didn't win the fight. If either of those two things had been different, I would have hated this film, but instead I say, it's not bad. 2 3/4 stars out of 5.

The Science of Sleep
Ever heard of it? Nope. Didn't think so. These kinds of movies have a way of seeking my wife out. Was this one bad? Nah, not too bad. Was it the weirdest movie besides Altered States that I have ever seen? Yes. 2 3/8 stars out of 5.

Television I Saw, Because I Was Compelled To

Repeats. I 'ate'em. Especially when they are surrounded by new episodes of other brand new shows, because those lousy TV execs know that we are going to watch it anyway. Bass turds.

If you aren't watching 30 Rock or don't think it's as funny or funnier than The Office then there is something wrong with you. Perhaps your parents were mean to you.

1. 30 Rock
2. My Name is Earl
3. Scrubs
4. The Office

That episode of The Office was amazing. The first time I saw it. Obviously, since I've seen each episode of the first 8 seasons of The Simpson's at least a dozen times each, I'm not afraid of watching stuff that I've already seen watching stuff that I've already seen watching stuff that I've already seen watching stuff that I've already seen, but see my first paragraph.

Bodycount 2007

A bird and a mole. Total: 6.

Thats What I Get

I misplaced my iPod. That's what I get for my heat of the moment post about iTunes.

I'm sorry boy. Please come home. I'll make it up to you. I promise.

Kip Journal 4/26/1999

Kip is in New Orleans this week. I can't wait to hear what kind of stories he'll conjure up from this trip.

It's sad. I'm almost out of Kip Journal entries. A part of me is dying inside. Ed.

Read the Kip Journal FAQ

Monday, April 16, 2007

Friggin' iTunes

I love my iPod, but I really hate iTunes. It annoys me.

Hooray, for Virginia!

We got our Virginia state income tax refund today. They told us that we made a mistake and our refund increased. Wow. Hooray for Virginia. Although, when we lived in NH we didn't have to pay income tax.

But in Virginia the meals tax is 6% less! Hooray for Virginia. Oh, but New Hampshire has no sales tax. Hmmm. Our gas costs 6 cents less per gallon! And we didn't buy any heating oil this winter.

Ugh. But electric rates. Thats gotta hurt. Nah. Sixty percent cheaper.

Did I mention property taxes? Its probably better if I didn't.

Ricky, Take Down Jack

then, my cable cuts out. Stupid wind.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Faster Pussycat Kill Kill

He got a bird today. I'm gonna need to put the Bodycount 2007 table up and take down the Squamscot one.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Irony, I Art Thine B


In a bizarre twist of fate, my Google Spreadsheet where I keep track of my Access Denieds at work, is now denied also.

Television That Has to Be Watched

Man. Tough Week to rate the shows. They were all excellent.

I think I have to give the nod to The Office this week though, but it was very, very close.

1. The Office
2. 30 Rock
3. My Name is Earl
4. Scrubs

Monday, April 09, 2007

Eat. Sleep. Kill.

My cat lives the dream. He killed a mole on Sunday. That's 3 for Bodycount 2007.

Saturday, April 07, 2007


The scene from my porch this late afternoon. It was still pretty cold out, but above freezing at least.


The scene from my back porch this morning. Go ahead and laugh at me. I can dish it out and I can take it.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Fabulous Movie Review®

1 1/2 stars out of 5.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Spring Resolution

100 sit ups by my 33rd birthday in 2 months and 2 days. That's my goal. Knee's bent, hands on head, in one set.

33 sounds so much older than 32 and I am distressed that my shorts from last summer are tighter than before.

I don't know how many I can do right now. Tomorrow morning I will make an attempt and set the benchmark.

Update: 26. That's how many I can currently do.

I Will Not Eat Green Eggs and Ham ~ Charles Dickens

A talking head on the Comcast Sports Net just quoted Edgar Allan Poe as saying, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

I Love 30 Rock

The Office was good too, but if 30 Rock gets cancelled it will be a bigger travesty than Arrested Development, because at least AD had enough seasons to make watching it on DVD worthwhile.


I decided today around 4 that I wanted to eat mussels tonight. Luckily, they had them at my local Kroger. Ironically, they were from a farm in Maine.

Good Friday

I have tomorrow off from work because the stock exchange is closed. Why couldn't the stock exchange close the day after Thanksgiving?

I wanted to ask my boss if I could work tomorrow in exchange for a floating holiday because I need a lot of time of in the next couple of months, but the turd takes a couple of days to respond to email and he wasn't in his office all day.

Did I just call my boss a turd? I meant a turrific guy.


I watched an Orioles game on this god forsaken sports network last night. Anybody ever seen the Somersworth High School Toppers on Channel 12? Thats about the same quality of telecast as MASN.

Heaven help me.

Hey, guess what though? The Red Sox are on ESPN Sunday and there is NO danger of it getting blacked out here. Thank goodness its not Tavarez pitching.

Apple Software Update

42.9 MB for an iTunes + Quicktime update?? Yeah, I've got a fast connection, but are you out of your freakin' mind?

Monday, April 02, 2007


I am involved with not one, not two, but three fantasy baseball leagues this year. In previous years, I could get a lot of my lineup shuffling and free agent picking up during lunch or breaks at work. This year I can't and I am questioning whether or not I made a good decision in joining three leagues, one of which I paid $65 bucks to join (the winner gets 50%, 2nd gets 25%, 3rd gets 15%, and 4th gets 10%).

Anyway, it's a little weird being away from the Red Sox for the first time in my life. Even though I didn't have NESN for the past couple of years, at least I had the local news and AM radio, but now that's centered on the Nationals and the Orioles and the AAA Braves.

I would consider signing up for the Extra Innings packing from Comcast but since that is moving to DirectTV, well, I dunno if I want to go in that direction. There's a certain convenience that goes along with cable, plus I like to pay basic cable rates and see what kind of extra channels I can get for free, which to date has been significant. All of the major networks, and Discovery (Planet Earth rocks, except for Sigourney Weaver telling me from her crystal Hollywood palace that the reason the polar bear has to walk through slush is becuase my Dakota only gets 18 mpg).

I'm watching the Angels vs. the Rangers on ESPN right now. Its weird to hear Sean McDonough, former voice of the Red Sox, doing other work. Why was he fired again? I don't know. I don't think anyone else does either, except for those who did the sacking.

One Score and Four


Love that Ricky Shroeder.

Why do all these evil people think they are just doing whats best for America?

You'd think they all went to Lyndon B. Johnson University and majored in Political Science with a minor in Diabolical Studies.

I don't like Lyndon B. Johnson in case you didn't know, and if you are my friend and have engaged in any type of political discussion with me, you've probably heard me say that "Lyndon Johnson was the most evil President this country has ever had." Variations include: "LBJ killed JFK", "LBJ killed RFK", "Lyndy covered up for Teddy". I could go on and on.

Oh wait, this was about 24. WTH with Wayne. "Ohhh, I don't want people to think I am weak and question my manhood." Whatever... You already proved you have titanium testicles when you willed yourself out of a coma and received not one but two shots of liquid cocaine.

Hey what happened on Prison Break this season? I only watched one or two episodes this season. In my opinion in not only jumped the shark, but killed it with its bare hands, fileted, barbecued and served it over brown rice with a garden salad, but the final 30 seconds of tonights episode looked pretty interesting. Especially, the guy who looked like Bellick having a seizure on the floor. I guess I will rent the DVD.