Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Fenway South

I'll be at Camden Yards tonight. Look for me down the first base line. I'll be the guy wearing a filthy red sox hat. Should be pretty easy to spot*.

*that was sarcasm, for those of you who are a little slow on the draw

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Test Drive

I test drove the $500 Jeep today. The interior was pretty filthy and the passenger seat was broken (something I wouldn't have discovered if my oldest son wasn't riding shotgun), but it felt solid. Steering, brakes, 4 wheel drive all worked well, and the engine ran beautifully. The only real issue with the thing was the lack of first gear, but that engine has enough torque that starting from 2nd really wasn't an issue.

I told him I would think about it and call him tomorrow. It'll probably be gone anyway.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Newest Obsession

Getting a Jeep Cherokee and taking the doors off like this:

Actually this isn't my newest obsession, I was originally obsessed with this idea for about a week last month, until some killjoy dampened my spirits, rained on my parade if you will. So why did I become obsessed with it again? Good question. My 4 year old son. He is obsessed with getting a truck without doors and no matter how much I try to convince him that Blazers and Broncos (A Jeep CJ or Wrangler is out of the question since its pretty hard (impossible) to fit 5 people in one) are cool too because the roofs can come off, his mind is made up. No doors or it sucks (well, he doesn't exactly say suck).

Now, you are probably thinking that I am a pansy and my kids are spoiled and I shouldn't allow a child to make decisions for me, but you would be wrong. Not too mention kind of a dick too. No. Get this. I started thinking about it and one of my childhood dreams was to be a UPS driver. Why? BECAUSE THEY GET TO DRIVE WITH THEIR DOORS OPEN. And to a lesser degree, wear brown shorts. I should be thanking that 4 year old boy who shares the same dream with me.

My wife doesn't get it. I tried to explain that its every boys dream to drive with the doors open. Of course, my 12 year old son had to chime in with, "It wasn't my dream." I dismissed that as him having too many genes from the other side of the family and didn't feel it contributed to the discussion.

Back in the glorious 80s, we had a family friend who drove a Ford Econoline van with no back seats and windows, something the old folks would call a work truck. I can't remember how many times I rode in that thing perched on a wheel well or if I was lucky, on the spare tire. One time it was really hot out so he left the sliding door open, but for safety's sake an accordion-style wooden playpen (sorry, I couldn't find a picture) was bungie corded in front of the door. Awesome. You could never get away with something like that nowadays.

Oh, and I almost forgot, I could get tube doors for it too, if I really wanted.

Update: Theres a two door model for sale down the street from me.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


My face, specifically the forehead region, is now peeling from the sunburn I sustained last weekend. My face has never peeled before and it looks bad. I was extremely embarrassed and almost didn't go to work today.

I'm sorry. That's a lie. I wasn't embarrassed.

Cheesy Seas

I downloaded Sailing the Seas of Cheese from Amazon and I am listening to it right now. I owned it before many moons ago, who knows to where it disappeared. Probably "borrowed" by one of my klepto friends/roommates. Anyway, its the perfect music for drowning out giggling Indians on a lazy Thursday afternoon. Definitely not Wednesday afternoons though.

My Space

So, I'm sitting under a big willow oak on the capitol grounds watching some weird hippie family walk (tie dye? seriously?) by to my left. After they passed I turned my head and some dude had sat down on the grass a foot away from me! If I hadn't been transfixed by the unwashed communards then perhaps I could have avoided this disaster by flashing this guy my best scowl.

Who does that by the way? We're in a pretty large grassy area under a tree that casts a shadow the size of a baseball diamond and you've got to sit 12 inches away from me? That's too close, man, too close.

cool cars

I risked my life to take this shot.

Kitchen Table "Welding"

Ice maker broke I think sometime around Christmas. I won't say the MIL did it, or that I think the MIL did it because I can't prove it, buuut she has a way of mashing things with her man hands. Aaand she was visiting at or around the time I first noticed my ice box was empty. There's a bar on the outside of the ice maker which can be used to manually turn off the ice maker, or theoretically, it will turn the ice maker off when the ice box is too full. I figured this bar was bent and stuck in the off position.

Anyway, I wasn't too concerned with it in December, since that isn't really the peak of ice demand, but now that its June, I decided the time was right, and pulled the unit out of the freezer.

After taking the cover off, it was pretty apparent that the bar had been man-handled. You can kinda see in this picture where the pedestal (?) that a lever that is moved by the bar is screwed into is broken.

Another shot. Sorry for boring you. I'm not forcing you to read this.

Really wasn't sure how to fix it. I thought of super glue or liquid nails, but I wasn't sure how they would hold up under freezing temperatures and they are too messy for small jobs. Ah ha! JB Weld to the rescue.

I wrapped it around the broken pedestal. Problem solved. Its been two weeks and going strong.

One little mistake I made though when putting the unit back together was I hooked up the wire to the water shut off switch wrong, so the water wouldn't shut off. Don't make that mistake, if you should ever find yourself in a similar situation, which you probably won't.

Battle Rages On

After not notifying me of my 3 voice mails all day, it started notifying me again at 11:42 pm tonight. And 3 times since.


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Fabulous Spaghetti Western Review©

Released: 1970
Rating: NR (Not Rated)
Length: 2 hrs 0 min
Genre: Western
Starring: Tomas Milian, Franco Nero, Jack Palance, Fernando Rey, Karin Schubert
Directed by: Sergio Corbucci
Composer: Ennio Morricone
Very similar to another western called Run Man Run in that both are directed by men named Sergio (a popular name in Italy indeed), they both star Tomas Milian, are centered around the Mexican Revolution and a treasure of gold and a rebel leader/poet/professor. However, Companeros features Jack Palance as a sadistic pot smoking villain, so, there's that.

I should say something about how excellent it was now. It was excellent indeed.

Update: You know what, now that I think about it I can't remember if Jack Palance was a pot smoking villain in this movie or The Professionals. Its been about 9 months since I've seen both movies.

Update update:Phew. Ok, I just did a little Googling. It was this one.

8 out of 10 (Very, very good)

I wasn't kidding about the stupid phone


I'm having a battle of wits with my cell phone. It keeps telling me about every minute or so that I have three voice mails. And I keep telling it I don't care. At first I was going to check the voice mail when I had time, but it kept nagging me and nagging me. So I refused, but it still won't shut up about it. Its been three days. I can't give in now. Why does it feel the need to constantly remind that I have voice mail? I KNOW.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Fabulous Spaghetti Western Review

Death Rides A Horse
Released: 1968
Rating: PG (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Length: 1 hr 52 mins
Genre: Western
Starring: Lee Van Cleef, John Phillip Law, Mario Brega, Luigi Pistilli
Directed by: Giulio Petroni
Death Rides a Horse contains almost everything a spaghetti western needs to be considered great, Lee Van Cleef, music by Ennio Morricone, revenge and some other stuff. What's missing? Clint Eastwood. Instead we get John Phillip Law, who wasn't bad per se, but his voice drove me insane. Like a little boy trying to talk like a man. Still, this is a quality western, and should be on everyone who is a fan of the genre's must see list.
8 out of 10 (Very, very good)


If only I had some appliocation experience. I knew it was going to be the next big thing. Although, on second thought, my last preffering was kinda painful.



All kidding aside, I think this is a fake company anyway, but the name "Mindlance" doesn't conjure up the image in my mind that I think they were going for, which I believe is "a mind is a powerful weapon, like a sword or long pointy stick." Instead it reminds me of lancing a boil, as in "our company will pierce your skull and suck out your brain."

Monday, June 22, 2009

Afraid of Water

I'm surprised that my neighbor's dogs are afraid of water, or I should say, water being sprayed at them from a hose. Whatever. It's effective and that's all I care about.

I was thinking about getting a coonhound and letting him howl outside their window all day. Apparently they are loud. But then everybody else would hate me, and probably not the people I am trying to annoy. And also, I would be stuck with a coonhound.

"Greyhounds were bred to run, and you can see it in their build. A retriever pup will bring you things all day long. A Coonhound is bred to bark (or bawl, chop, bugle, squall, etc.), so that the hunter, at night, can find the tree the 'coon has climbed. LOUD!!!! Think of the noisiest dog you ever lived near, the one you wanted to kill. If you compare that noise to a regular automobile horn, a Coonhound is like the air-horn on an eighteen-wheeler truck. I like the Coonhounds' varied voices; some of my neighbors do, and some don't. (Understatement.) Individual hounds vary widely in the amount they bark, but they are always loud! If you, or your neighbors, want peace and quiet, you don't want a Coonhound. "

I wonder if I could just borrow one for a few days. Either way, I've been researching fast growing evergreen hedges.

To the guy at the beach

with the large purple rose tattooed on his lower left abdomen. You can't fool me. Even if you were walking the boardwalk holding the hand of a real live female person. Speaking of which, she was pretty rugged looking.

Fabulous Movie Review©

Baby Mama
Released: 2008
Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Length: 1 hr 39 mins
Genre: Comedy
Starring: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Steve Martin, Greg Kinnear, Maura Tierney
Directed by: Michael McCullers
Cinematographer: Daryn Okada
Composer: Jeff Richmond
As far as comedies are concerned I really only require two things: it makes me laugh and doesn't tick me off with silly shenanigans and/or hijinks. I figured that while this movie probably would make me laugh, since Tina Fey is arguably the funniest female to ever come out of Saturday Night Live, it would also contain its fair share of stupid and contrived "funny" plot twists. Not so, actually. It made me laugh and didn't tick me off. Good show.

Funniest part, to me anyway: the Camaro. I won't give away any more detail than that.
7 out of 10 (Good)


Went to the beach this weekend. I have made several observations about it.

9 to 5 is a long time to be out in the direct sun even with generous applications of lotion.

Obese women frolicking in the waves should double and triple check their tops. I was udderly scarred for life.

Don't buy salt water taffy after lunch and then head back out to the beach. Buy it right before you go home.

My most painful sunburned area? My forehead, the part that is usually covered by my hat.

Boogie boards are fun.

The Abercrombie & Fitch boys frolicking in the water, tossing around a football, and wrestling with each other really creeped me out.

I will never get tired of swimming in a warm ocean.

Knife Log Saturday June 20 - Sunday June 21, 2009

Used philips screwdriver to open a battery cover.

Used philips screwdriver to remove chain guard on Suzuki LT50.

Used flathead screwdriver to clean excess tile adhesive from between tiles.

Used knife to cut open individually wrapped tile.

Used knife to cut pieces out of mosaic tile.

Used flathead screwdriver to open lawn mower air filter cover.

Used knife to scrape crud off air filter.

Used knife to pick hardened Liquid Nails out of a regular philips screwdriver.

Used knife to scrape some dead skin off my hand in car which caused wife to freak out.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Fabulous Spaghetti Western Review©

Four of the Apocalypse
Released: 1975
Rating: NR (Not Rated)
Length: 1 hr 44 mins
Genre: Western
Starring: Harry Baird, Lynne Frederick, Tomas Milian, Michael J. Pollard, Fabio Testi
Directed by: Lucio Fulci
Easily the worst spaghetti western I have ever watched. The actors were a bunch of mannequins. The story was poorly written. The violence was B horror movie grade with copious amounts of fake blood. I think the gore was the worst part. Its a western! Shooting, knifings, great, some whack job eating human flesh, bad. Did I mention the ending? It made me want to punch a lamb.

I had high hopes for Four of the Apocalypse. At first glance, it sounds good. A gambler, a pregnant prostitute, a drunk and a retard get harassed by a bandit. Brilliant! Alas, no.

Words cannot express how much I hated this movie.
1 out of 10 (Suckiest movie that ever sucked)