Urination

I know that I have spokem ad nauseum about the crooked urinal at work. Many people have aksed me (okay, nobody has) why I continue to use that urinal.

Well, the answer is simple, really. There are three urinals in the bathroom. The crooked urinal is the left one. On the far right is what I like to call the Billy Madison Special. You remember that scene from the movie, right? Where he is in an elementary school bathroom and falls over while trying to crouch to do his business and Sideburns is secretly spying on him? I tried to find a picture on the Interweb, but instead I stumbled upon this interesting article.

The middle urinal is ideal except that there is no privacy. Who wants to have another man standing 13 inches away, probably getting spray on you, or silently making fun of your shake technique?

So, you see, I have no choice.

I call the urinals Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine. Which is fitting because the middle one is the most perfect but it is surrounded by places you would never willingly go to unless you had no choice. The left one is the worst because if you aren't careful it can taint you with its evil current. The right one makes you feel awkward and desirous of leaving as quickly as possible.

I choose to use a stall now, of which there are three. Kentucky, West Virginia, and Virginia. I always stay to the right, but I don't mind the middle one once in a while.