Monday, January 04, 2010

Hey, dude, he's ragging on your cord

This post could have had many possible titles, but I chose that one because its a Simpsons reference.

My little 35 year old furnace has been running non-stop with this little cold snap we are experiencing, and it dawned on me that I hadn't done the most neglected of household maintenance chores: change the filter on the furnace. Oops.

I pulled the old one out, and yes, it was caked with crud. Of course its Sunday night and Lowe's and Home Depot both close early. The wife is hibernating because she worked the previous night, so it's either load up the two youngest kids into the frigid truck or wait until the wife wakes up and head to Walmart.

Eight o'clock rolls around and I am genuinely concerned that my wife has been slow roasted under her electric blanket, but I am too chicken to check, so after the two youngest go to bed, I leave instructions with the oldest to call me on my cell phone if anything happens and I head out the door.

Let's back up a little and get to the point of this whole story.

I was wearing my baggy jeans and my skinny butt can't hold them up without a belt. Not a big deal when you are hanging out on the couch watching children's movies, but a real pain when you are white and going out in public with your pants around your ankles isn't the image you want to portray.*

The problem is my belt was in the room with the possibly medium well done wife, and I wasn't going in there. What's a boy to do?

I cut a length of speaker wire to hitch up my pants with. Twine was also an option, but all I had was bright pink mason's line.

*Because being portrayed as white trash is much more acceptable...


Pete said...

gain some weight. it'll solve all your problems.

gagknee said...

i can't, man. no matter how much breakfast for dinner i eat.

pilgrimchick said...

Speaker wire? What a brilliant idea. They give you way too much on a spool of that for your audio needs anyway.

gagknee said...

i know it! i have about 40 feet that i'll never use!

Big A said...

I solved this problem years ago by leaving all of my clothes in the living room. I can change my clothes anytime day or night without worrying about waking her up.

Medium Guage Speaker wire is very useful. It's strong, yet reasonably easy to cut and work with. A knot tied in it will hold just fine, but still be easy to undo should you ever want to untie it. It is presently holding up a number of pipes and ductwork in my house. Who needs to spend a bunch of money on silly things like strapping or pipe hangers when you have speaker wire? I've even got a few places where they must have run out of speaker wire and switched to old shoelaces.

gagknee said...

hahaha. it doesn't look too good when you have prospective buyers looking at your house though.

Big A said...

it apparently didn't dissuade me from buying the place.