Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Looking for a Few Good Developer

We're trying to hire a new .NET Developer. Most of the resumes we've received have been less than inspiring. The interviews, save one, have been, well, awful. I need one of you wicked awesome programmers that I've worked with in the past ten years to make a life changing decision and move down here, over here, up here, and take this job.

In the spirit of 1997 here's a short FAQ:

Why would I want to work with you, when all you do is complain about your various jobs and your coworkers?

First of all, if you are reading this, then you are not one of the people I have ever complained about. Second, this is a blog and I play it up a little for dramatic effect. Third, the number of actual individual people that I complain about I can count on one hand. Not bad for a professional career nearly spanning three decades (hehe, I love how that sounds).

Why would I want to move to Richmond? You always complain about your white trash neighbors. That doesn't seem too appealing.

Well, I'm sure you made better financial choices in your twenties than I did, enabling you to buy a house in a redneck free zone. Of which there are plenty.

I don't particularly like you. I mean we worked together well enough, but I don't know if I want you to be, you know, the only person in a strange city that I know.

Ouch. That hurts. I promise not to fraternize with you outside work after I give you an initial tour of the city. Ok?


Pete said...

Resume for Peter Wituszynski:

Highschool degree
Nearly half a semester completed at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute for Electrical Engineering

Prior Experience:
Worked from 2006 to 2009 at Berwick Academy in the technology department
Volunteered uncountable hours for Christian Worship Center, Barrington, NH

Programming Repertoire:
Basic HTML, Flash, Java, C++

Has worked with .Net before: No. never. Not once.

Works well with others. sometimes.

Pete said...


michaell said...

Can I apply if the only development experience I have in the last 6 years is writing perl scripts and one php thing I hacked together with mysql? :)

Or if I come in and expect you all to move to linux and java? :)

gagknee said...

that would quite a commute, pete

nooooooooooooooooo, java!

HeatherLynn said...

Paralegal here, no programming! dang it! *sighs*

good luck!


gagknee said...

paralegals make the big bucks. you don't want to be a programmer.

Big A said...

what about an electrical engineer who has no experience in .Net but has a demonstrable ability to pick up any programming language in like 5 minutes?

I think you missed a question: "What if I move to Richmond to work with you, but 2 weeks later you quite your job for something better?"

gagknee said...

ha. funny you should mention that...