Top Ten Things...

My coworkers say about me behind my back.

10. For someone who is a programmer and should be typing, he seems to spend a lot of time just stairing blankly at his monitor.

9. Is he making fun of me?

8. He's 32 years old. Someone needs to tell him to get a haircut.

7. If that Nerf basketball lands on my desk one more time...

6. If a rubber band hits me in the face one more time...

5. The music he listens to sucks and when I complain he just ignores me.

4. I hate it when he says "Curse you" instead of "Bless you" or "Die" instead of "Bye"

3. Alright! We GET it! You LOVE going riding in West Virginia every year. Jeesh.

2. Does he purposely leave bugs in the software?

1. That free iPod should have been MINE!

Kip Journal 2/12/1999

Kip has been at the VPN meeting all morning. Poor John, there is no escaping that teletubbie lice ridden face.

Kip was complaining what a busy morning he had. First training, then hanging around anwering a couple of calls. Oh what a tough day he has had wheeew.

Kip's idea of taking calls is talking to his wife. If I hear "I wuv u" or "sweet" one more time, I'm going to tie him to the back of my bumper and drive home like the dog on the movie Vacation.

At Kip's college they could smoke in the classrooms and they didn't care as long as you didn't put your butts out on the floor.

I believe Kip achieves a sexual high everytime he says "recompile the kernel".

Please No More Billy Idol!

"You know, Fox turned into a hard-core sex channel so gradually, I didn't even notice" - Marge Simpson

"You know, WFNX turned into an 80's and 90's hard rock station so gradually, I didn't even notice" - Gagknee

Admittedly I don't listen to that radio station much anymore because the stereo in my truck can play a CD of MP3s or ye olde iPod can be plugged into it also, so maybe I have just been unlucky with the DJs that have been on the air at those times. But it seems to me that they have been playing a lot of crap lately. Stuff you could hear on WHEB if you were so inclined. I started listening to WFNX 3 or 4 years ago during my commutes to Manchester when Greg and the Morning Buttheads almost drove me to suicide. FNX was great because it was different, and it probably still is, just not when I am listening to it anymore.

If I was a DJ at FNX my rule of thumb for picking out my songs for the day would be, "Would this be played on WHEB?" or WWGD (What Would Greg Do) and then do the exact opposite.

Hmmm, should I play Alive by Pearl Jam? What would Greg do?

What was that again?

Raspberry Lemonade. Guaranteed not to make you vomit or tell all your friends they haven't lived until they've tried it. Enjoyable yet forgettable. Tasty yet boring. Sweet but tart. A drink of contrasts. Smack dab in the middle of the pack. It wasn't bad and it wasn't good. I might drink it again and then again I might not.

Bikes from Around the World

If you are like me kill yourself, I mean, you probably wish that some of the cars, trucks and motorcycles that they sell in other countries were available here, in the United States. Reading a motorcycle magazine the other day, there was an article about a Europe-only motorcycle by Yamaha. I got annoyed because it looked like a great bike and I would consider buying it.

The first bike I would like to show you, and the one I just mentioned from Yamaha, is the MT-01. It is available in the UK but not in the US. Probably because it's a large displacement single cylinder and they don't think Americans would like that. Maybe cynicism is getting the best of me and they will eventually release it here.




Yamaha also makes a naked version of the FZ6 available in the UK. I'd be all over that and honestly can't think of any reason why it isn't available stateside. Naked bikes are pretty popular these days.






Also from Yamaha in Japan, the SR400 and XJR400R. I would love something like this. Price it at around 4 or 5 grand and you have a winner in my book. Americans don't seem to go for anything less than a 600 anymore which is too bad. These things will go over a hundred miles an hour. That's enough for me. The SR400 looks like the old XS series straight out of 1978 and its interesting to note that the XJR has dual rear shocks which is uncommon on anything but cruisers nowadays.

Suzuki only has one model of note available in other countries, the GSR600. As you can see in the picture it is an absolute stunning piece of machinery. They also make a 400cc version in Japan. I'd buy that too. I guess that makes two models. I stand corrected.






Honda makes the CBF500 which can be had in the UK. Again, set the price at 5 grand (actually it's a Honda so they would charge 6 grand) and ship it over here. I'd buy one and I can't be the only one or maybe I can. Who knows. You might think it looks like the 599 but you are wrong, the Hornet is Britain's 599.




Honda of Japan makes many models not available anywhere else. Take a look at this selection:

CB400
CB750
Hornet 250 which is a 599 with half the motor
VTR 250
And the little bike with the big name the Ape 100

Kawasaki doesn't appear to make any models that aren't available in the U.S. I don't know if this is because they have no imagination or they have a tremendous commitment to providing their consumers with all of the available cutting edge technology. Probably neither. They just don't make as many models as the other companies.

They do make a couple of retro Triumph copies, the W650 and W400, but technically those don't count because the W650 was actually available in the U.S. for a few years. They are pretty cool, but for my money I would just go buy a Triumph Bonneville instead.

Ew.

Here I sit on my couch, job hunting, resume polishing and generally concentrating really hard, when I am interruped by Lurleen screaming over and over and over and over again in the throes of passion.

Close the windows!

Hey, I am all for male/female "interaction" but imagining the unbathed human slip and slide across the street, well, to quote my friend Rob, I'm gonna have to slaughter a pig to get that image out of my head.

Ahh, Lurleen, I really will miss the many moments of entertainment you have provided me this year. Not enough to stay here though, but like the antics of a crazy drunk uncle at family gatherings, at least the memories will last forever.

Not Ginger Grant or Ginger Rogers

Have you ever asked yourself what the difference between Ginger Beer and Ginger Ale is? I have. In fact, Saturday I became obsessed with knowing the difference. After the completion of the Red Sox game, I raided my piggy bank and raised enough funds to buy two Ginger Beers and one Golden Ginger Ale, the 2nd Ginger Beer for the longsuffering missus. After purchasing my soda, the temptation to open a bottle before getting home was strong, but resist I did.

There is a difference between Ginger Beer and Ginger Ale. It may be too subtle for some people, but let me state the difference as simply as possible: Ginger Ale does not suck, Ginger Beer does suck.

The first sip of Ginger Beer was crisp and refreshing. Mmmm. Two seconds later, though, all hell broke loose in my throat. The stuff buuurned. It was spicy and hot and tasted like a teaspoon of freshly ground black pepper. About halfway through the bottle my lips started to tingle and go numb. I swished around a mouthful just to be silly and the vapors went straight up my nose like too much hot mustard on my porked fried rice. What is this craziness!? Never again, my friends, never again. Ginger Beer will be firmly placed at the bottom of the rankings list never to be seen again. Oh, and in case you were wondering, my wife didn't like it either but she did manage to drink her whole bottle. I was impressed.

The Golden Ginger Ale was good. Its much more flavorful than your average ginger ale, which I liked a lot. There will definitely be more of these consumed by me in the future.

Squamscot also makes a Pale Dry Ginger Ale. I am saving this for last though because I already know it will be among my favorites. There's also the unfortunate matter of the diet sodas that I will inevitably have to drink. It's a shame to waste a buck nineteen on diet root beer, but I suppose its for science and sacrifices must be made.

Hey Lady Put that Thing Away

So I am standing in the lobby of my church Sunday after service. My wife is over talking to some people and I am casually watching my two youngest run around, screaming and chasing each other. Someone else's child, around 2 I would guess, comes running towards me. I did not know the child or the woman coming after him, so I guess they were just visiting or in town for the wedding that happened yesterday.

The woman comes running over bent at the waist attempting to catch the elusive child. She's kind bouncing around in her efforts and her left breast pops right out of her dress. Everything. All of it. There. In front of me.

She stood up after catching the child in the crook of her right arm and actually took a few steps before realizing she was um, on display, and yanked everything back in.

More Squam, Scott

The Squamscot website describes this soda as "a wonderful blend of lemon and grapefruit creating a thirst quenching drink." That sounds good, but grapefruit I do not like. Despise it really. Pretty much anything that is edible, I will eat, but not the vile fruit with the word "grape" deceptively placed in its name. So the reason why I tried Half and Half was to get it out of the way. Be done with it. To end the taunting and teasing, the self doubt and lack of confidence this evil concoction was placing upon me. To prove my courage, two were bought. To be drunk in succession.

A funny thing happened though. I liked it. Loved it really. I would buy it again even. Recommend it to my friends and scream from the mountaintops how delicious and refreshing and thirst quenching it is. I want one right now.

Not So in Love with Buicks Today

My brother is borrowing my truck today so I have his young lady friend's Buick Skylark. It has power windows and this morning I had to go to the bank first thing and make a deposit. At 8 am, however, only the drive-thru is open.

Can you see where this is going? The drivers window went down about an inch and then stopped. Ugh. So I pulled forward a couple of feet, put the seat all the way back and reclined it and did my transaction through the back window. A little embarassing yes, but funny nonetheless.

Officewood

My wife and I just finished watching Season 1 of Deadwood. Actually, it was my 2nd time watching the first season and I was successful in getting her hooked, so watching it twice was worth it. Now, we can proceed to season 2. A lot of people don't like Westerns, but for many movies or shows in that genre you need to put aside your prejudices against cowboy hats and saloons and six shooters and just appreciate the story. Deadwood is an excellent show and I would recommend it to anyone with one warning: The language is filthy. The language is filthy. The language is filthy. So don't go rent Season 1 and sit down on the couch with your children and your mother and your MIL and your MIL's best friend and the pastor of your church and the sweet little old lady from down the street thinking you are going to get a modern day version of High Noon because you are not. You have been fairly warned.

The Office (Original British Version) arrived from NetFlix yesterday too. Wow. It's good. I can't believe I waited this long to watch it. I'm not going to make any comparisons or judgements as to which version is better, except that I think the OBV (Original British Version) is perhaps more realistic, the characters that is, and the NAV (New American Version) is more cartoonish and over the top.

Dreamy Creamy Orange

Oh man oh man. This flavor of Squamscot soda is amazing. I know I said that I was going to try the Maple Cream, but I grabbed a bottle of this on a whim. It's just like a creamsicle. Not being one to overdramatize a drink like a wine connoisseur (I know, wine is a little bit more complex than soda), but the two flavors were very distinct as if they didn't mix together well. I could swish around a mouthful and feel the difference between the heavier cream syrup and the lighter orange syrup. The vanilla flavor would linger for a second or two after swallowing this divine mixture.

Ok. I'm done. Enough of that. I liked the creamy orange. When I've tried all the flavors and rank them all, don't be surprised if creamy orange is in the top 3.

Stories from the List: Number 9

Number 9

It was late spring. I was 17 (almost 18) and soon to be graduating from high school. Just finishing a baseball game at the Pines on top of the hill in Somersworth, I was angry because our coach, affectionately called The Troll, had not put me in the game. At all.

I sped out of my parking space in my Ford Tempo and headed down Rochester St. at a good pace. Rolling through the stop sign at the intersection of Maple St., I took a left, and proceeded to accelerate, probably hitting 60 mph at the most.

Again I rolled through a stop sign, this time at the intersection of Maple St. and West High St. and continued on Maple. This is where the story gets interesting and where I decided to find out how fast the Tempo could go.

At about the time I passed the first cemetery on that road, I reached the maximum amount of speed that I could go without flipping the car in a corner. Slowing down to legal speeds I had just passed Maplewood school when I saw the blue lights a flashin' in my rear view.

The officer wasted no time. He immediately came right up to my car and told me to get out because I was under arrest. Oops.

So there I was with my hands on the trunk lid and my feet spread getting patted down in full baseball uniform, cleats and all, while a whole procession of people who had been at the game, including the coach, drove by. I was pretty popular at school the next day. Probably not for the best reasons though. I knew how to end a school year with a bang though. The previous year around the same time I had hit a telephone pole.

I would love to get a copy of my mug shot.

Oh, and how fast do you think the cop got me doing on that short stretch of Maple St.? 81. In a 30. So stupid.

He had been behind me since I left the park, so I got hit with 2 stop sign violations, almost going triple the limit, and disobeying a police officer. There might have been a driving to endanger in there too, I don't remember.

My lawyer got the disobeying charge dropped. Basically I ended up paying about $400 in fines and losing my license for 3 months. Not bad considering.

Waxing Philosophic

Sometimes in life its not what you know how to do, but what you know not to do.

For example, yesterday I made a booboo at work. I now know never to change the way users authenticate (um, login) in the middle of the day on the last day of school (we make software for schools). In my mind knowing not to do that again is way more valuable than knowing several different methods for authenticating them.

Squamlog

For keeping track of which ones I've tried. If Blogger had categories I wouldn't have to do this...

Squamscot Soda Update

I had the black cherry flavor yesterday. Now this isn't like Cherry Coke where some cherry flavoring is added to cola. This is black cherry soda, like orange soda is, um, orange soda. It truly was delicious. However that much cherry flavor began to remind me of cough syrup about halfway through the bottle. People with a penchant for non-medical use of Robitussin DM will think they've died and gone to heaven. For me though, I just find it tasty. Never will I drink two back to back, but I could enjoy it ice cold on occasion.

I also purchased the Maple Cream flavor for my wife. As I only took a few sips, I cannot ethically comment on it further, but man, those few sips were AWESOME. She liked it a lot, that much is true. Stay tuned for a review of Maple Cream in a few days.

A Little Insurance

I just downloaded this entire blog using HTTrack Website Copier, in case Blogger crashes bad and I lose everything or I decide to go use a different service. It worked pretty well and only took an hour and a half over my dial-up connection.

Mother-in-Lawgic

A Blog = MySpace = Evil, therefore A Blog is Evil.

Am I Insane?

Have you ever felt like you are going crazy? When these flowers bloomed last week, I could have sworn they were supposed to be orange tiger lilies. All spring I couldn't wait until the tiger lilies bloomed. Then they came up as purple krokuses (I think thats what they are). I could have sworn they were orange. These flowers were not planted by me either. They've been there since before we moved in 7 years ago.

I mentioned to my wife how silly I was for thinking they were orange and SHE thought they used to be orange too! Can flowers change colors and species? Maybe one of my neighbors swapped them out one night in early spring right when the ground thawed. That must be what happened because they were orange before. I know they were.

New Goal in Life

Life is messy and complicated. Goals you have set for yourself may have become seemingly out of reach and unattainable resulting in depression or despondency. Therefore, I have set a new easy goal for myself this summer designed to lift my spirits and bring minutes of joy to my heart.

I decided upon this goal yesterday as I was returning from Landry's Junk Yard, excuse me, Auto Salvage, after getting a part for my wife's van. Deep in thought trying to figure out why my truck won't idle and shuts off at every stop light if I dont keep my foot on the pedal, I did just that, forgot to keep my foot on the pedal and stalled it turning onto Rte 9. I pulled into Calef's and decided to get myself a couple of Squamscot sodas.

Once inside while staring at the diverse selection of flavors I decided that I was going to try every flavor they make over the course of the summer. This is my goal. Should be pretty simple and easily attainable. Unless Calef's burns down or Squamscot goes out of business.

So, with what flavors did I choose to begin my summer quest? Birch Beer and Grape.

I hate birch beer. It tastes like wintergreen. I hate wintergreen. But thats okay. Perseverance is part of reaching any goal. It builds character.

The grape soda was delicious. I could have drank two.

Stay tuned...next up is Black Cherry.