Tales from the Crypt

Back around the time the Super Soaker squirt guns first hit the market and thereby created a whole new industry of super powered squirt artillery, I had a Ford Tempo and a disposition towards mischief.

I did not purchase a Super Soaker, but I did buy several of something similar. It was more of a cannon, and you didn't pump it. You slowly pulled back on one of the two handles and then the force of pushing the handle back in forced a large stream of water out the nozzle. It was great. It held about a liter of water and we always brought extra gallons of water with us.

So what sort of mischief did we do with our water cannons? We drove around squirting other cars, of course. There were three basic maneuvers.

The first was when you were parked at a stop light next to another car and you squirted their drivers window. If timed well, the light would turn green soon thereafter and you could speed away, laughing of course.

The second involved taking a left turn and squirting the windshield of the car that you are driving by stopped at the red light. This maneuver is great because you can really see the surpise on their faces through their drivers window, and also, there is almost no way they can chase you.

The third maneuver was dangerous for the people in the car being squirted so we rarely did it, but basically while driving, not stopped at a light or anything, you pass a car and squirt the water up in the air and in front of the victim's car. They basically drive into a wall of water. Very funny, indeed.

Please note, all of these maneuvers benefit from having as many people in your car with water cannons as possible.

So, anyway I told you all of that to tell you this...

One time, my good high school friend Russhole and I were out squirting cars and we performed a #1 on a car. It was especially funny because the woman driver screamed and also, her window was open a crack, so you know she got a little wet. Hehe.

Our laughter soon died however.

We made one big mistake. Normally after performing a #1 you need to make a getaway, just in case. For whatever reason, I drove about a mile and then decided to take a left turn. I got stuck sitting there because of the large amount of traffic.

Next thing you know there is our victim, who has an angry long haired derelict boyfriend in the passengers seat. Hmmm, didn't notice him before. So he's screaming something at us which I dont remember, and then he hocks up a big loogy and spits it at Russhole who is in my passenger seat. Oh it was so nasty, but, man, I laughed and laughed and laughed. Even now writing this I am laughing my butt off.

Russhole tried to downplay it by saying most of it hit the window. So why did you jump and get that look on your face like you smelled a skunk, I asked. I was just pretending, he said. That made me laugh even more.